Willfully Determined

Yesterday I pushed myself to do more and to do different. I decided to be a 22 year old for a few hours, I just ignored the fatigue, took the pain meds, and went to back to back movies (7-11:30pm) with my sister, who didn’t think I could stay out late anymore. It was a gift to both of us to be able to spend that time together, just enjoying doing something that was so out of the norm.

Usually I sleep through 60-80% of movies anywhere we watch them, our basement, my room, the movie theater, other peoples houses… But last night I worked hard to stay awake, and I did a stellar job. My POTS/dysautonomia leaves my body unable to pump blood to my brain when I sit down for too long, so I fall asleep or pass out even if I’m loving a movie or having a great conversation with someone; but usually, if I move around or take a walk I start to feel much more human again and stay awake for at least 10-20 minutes 😉

My family asked me if I really had energy for this, and here is what I told them,

“No, I don’t have the energy, but this isn’t about energy.  This is about desire and determination.”

Sometimes I have to accept my symptoms, accept my situation, and make a choice to push past all of the exhaustion, pain, nausea, and sensitivities so that I can remind myself and those around me that I’m still me, and that there are still things out there, outside of my “safe zone” (aka my house and my room). Watching the world go on without you can be a very strange feeling, it’s like watching from an outside view, looking down on the life I thought would be mine and watching others continue on without me. The world doesn’t wait for anyone.

Recently I’ve been hearing a lot of “nothings” from doctors; some literally don’t have anything to say, don’t answer emails or calls or anything, others telling me they can’t take on my case or I’ve exhausted the options they can offer. It’s a lot of “keep you comfortable” and “manage symptoms.”

After so much of the same, I’m so tired of doctors and meds and tests or treatments that no one actually thinks will work. I want to live. I want to experience my youth, I want to really feel alive and I want to cross items off of my bucket list.

I want to travel and see incredible sites and take countless photos. I hope to visit all of the girls who I’ve met online, the ones who have helped me through these years of illness, and I want to meet new people, and fall in love. I want to get rid of these tubes so I can swim with dolphins and scuba dive, get as close to my mermaid dream as possible.

I have a lot of goals, and I may never accomplish all of them, but they make for some happy thinking & I never pass that up. 🙂

 

Must Haves for Tubies: A Guide to All of Your Tubie Essentials

Preparing for your first feeding tube? Or just adjusting to life with tubes? Here are some tips about some tubie essentials!

**always talk to your doctors when changing/adapting any parts of your treatment plan, my posts are strictly personal experience/personal research– I am not a medical expert, aside from my years of illness 😉

Gauze and/or Tubie pads—

Gauze and tubie pads serve the same purpose, they keep the tube site (aka the stoma) clean and dry, soaking up all excess drainage and keeping all outside gunk away! Some tubies have more drainage or granulation tissue while others hardly have any at all after the stoma heals from surgery; if you have a lot of it, continuously, gauze is often (not always) the best option. Tubie pads are much cuter and don’t require tape, making them easier on the skin. Some people use both, many people develop a preference as to which one they use, but either is a solid option for keeping your stoma clean and “happy.”

 

Great places for tubie pads (& great donors for newbie tubies!):

Homemade Tubie Happiness (on Facebook or Etsy)

Tubie Whoobies (Facebook)

Dorky Little Etsy Store (Etsy)

 

Syringes

 You’ll use syringes every day, you have to flush during and after feeds to keep your tube from clogging and many tubies take medications through the tubes, using syringes.

You can get various sizes and types of syringes, anything from a 1-3ml syringe (not used for tubes as much as for central lines), to 10ml, 30ml, and 60ml syringes. Luer lock syringes have smaller tips that can have needles screwed into them; they work best for flushing water/feeds through and the smaller ones can push clogs through. Slip tip/luer slip syringes have longer tips that are better for medications as they allow the dissolved meds pass through easier and leave less behind.

Your home health company should provide syringes, but if they don’t have the kind you like or don’t give you enough, you can buy mass quantities for cheap prices online.

 

Qtips, clean wash clothes, natural soaps

Keeping the tube(s) clean and dry is SO important. Change the gauze multiple times a day and pay attention to the stoma—clean gently with a warm, wet qtip when changing the dressing and wash with a cloth & natural soaps during your showers/baths/etc.

Don’t leave excess blood or drainage on the skin, it can cause irritations, itching, or pain. Some drainage and blood is normal, though. It’s no reason to panic.

 

Tapes/adhesives

 There are many types of tapes and adhesive bandages, as you go along you’ll figure out which best suits you! Your infusion/home health company should provide you with tape, but if they don’t or you don’t like what they give you, there is tape in any pharmacy or any store that has a health section.

Paper tape, transpore, or medipore tape are two of the easiest on the skin, but paper tape doesn’t last as long or stick as well and it is not water proof. It may take some trial and error, but you will figure out which works best, and if you use tubie pads you won’t need as much tape!

You should get tape from your home health/infusion company, but if not you can find it online or at the pharmacy.

 

Stoma creams/ointments—

Your tube site, aka your stoma, may cause you discomfort on and off even when it has healed. There are a lot of options for ways to try and minimize discomfort. You should ask your doctor before changing any part of your treatment plan, but these are some options to talk about…

Itching? Hydrocortisone cream, Benadryl cream

Pain? Lidocaine ointment

Skin irritation, granulation tissue, or bile burn? Try granulotion, calmoseptine, sudocrem, or any other barrier cream your doctor recommend

All of these items can be found on Amazon, at a pharmacy, or from your doctor…

 

Tubie belts, button covers, and tube clips

Along with tubie pads, you can get tubie belts and button or port covers that are especially helpful for children with feeding tube. Belts and covers help keep the tubes still and in place while being used or while not being used so that kids are less likely to mess with/pull on their tubes and cause harm to their tubes or themselves

The tubie clips help keep the extra tubing from dragging or getting caught on things when you are feeding on the go. These clips work well with backpacks and/or IV poles, whatever suits you. They’re cute and simple but can save you from yanking your tube out by accidentally stepping on it or getting it caught while moving around.

All of these items can be found on Etsy, a few of the best shops to find these?

Tubie clips: Crafting for a Cure Co. (They support Newbie tubies with their sales!)

Belts: Kangarootique (Etsy)

Heating pads

Heating pads help with pain, nausea, bloating, and so much more. You can get electric heating pads or microwavable ones. They come in all shapes, sizes, and patterns and you can get them anywhere– amazon, walmart, any pharmacy, or etsy.

One of my favorite Etsy shops and one of Newbie Tubies largest donors: Divine Comfort Rice Pks

Tubie Awareness Gear:

 Be loud & proud about being a tubie; there is no shame in having a feeding tube. There are so many cute shirts, bags, and accessories that help being a tubie be a little more glamorous. Don’t be afraid to let others know about your tube, awareness and confidence are important, and you never know who else may be out there with a tube hidden under their shirt, too?

A few places to find cute tubie apparel:

Tubie Love Gear: http://feedingtubeawareness.bigcartel.com/

Newbie Tubies: instagram @ newbietubies and/or positivelyrachel.com

 

Hopefully this information was helpful! For more, check out our tips list or visit my good friend, Carolanne’s blog, here for more information on tubie products!

8 Myths About Feeding Tubes

Most people will go through life without ever having to deal with a feeding tube; they won’t have one themselves nor will they have a loved one with one. However, there are over 300,000 people living in just the USA who have feeding tubes—this includes children and adults of all ages and varying conditions.

A lot of people don’t know anything about feeding tubes and some have the wrong idea about them, so as part of Feeding Tube Awareness Week, I want to clear up a few myths and give you some information about living with a feeding tube.

MYTHS ABOUT FEEDING TUBES:

  1. Feeding tubes are only given to people who are dying.

Majority of people who have feeding tubes are actually using them to survive! Our feeding tubes give us the nourishment we need to function. Yes, you often see them on TV keeping comatose patients alive until they are taken off of life support and sometimes cancer patients or high risk premies have them, but, more often than not, they are given to people who need supplemental feeding or full feeds to continue living. Some babies use them starting as newborns and are on them for their whole lives while others only need them temporarily, and some people get them later in life when a medical condition causes them to be unable to consume nutrients on their own.

  1. Feeding tubes are only for people who are underweight.

I have gastroparesis and generalized gastrointestinal dysmotility – my stomach and intestines do not process food—and yes, I am underweight. That said, some people with the same condition gain weight due to their bodies going into starvation mode and hanging onto every calorie while converting sugar and carbs into fat. You can be overweight and malnourished. That is a medical fact. There are also lots of individuals out there who have swallowing disorders, food allergies, and other conditions that make them not have enough oral intake, but again they do not necessarily have to be underweight, they may just not get in key nutrients, proteins, fiber, fats, etc. No matter what your weight, you need adequate nutrition, so yes, no matter what your weight, you can require a feeding tube when not able to intake adequate nutrition orally.

  1. When you have a feeding tube you can’t eat.

Many people who have feeding tubes are only in need of supplemental feeding, meaning they eat orally, but not enough to stay fully nourished, so they do feeds just to cover what isn’t taken in orally. You can still eat when you have a feeding tube. There are many people who have restricted diets or are only able to take in liquids and require more nutrition via tube and then there are others who cannot eat at all. Even people with gastroparesis sometimes have a “safe food” or two that they can tolerate in small amounts, or they’re able to suck on candy, drink some gingerale, etc. It doesn’t invalidate anyone’s need for a tube, each tubie and their doctor figure out the best individual plan for tubie needs.

  1. Only babies and the elderly need feeding tubes.

A lot of people think of preemies and the elderly when they think of feeding tubes. In reality, there are an endless number of conditions that can cause a temporary or permanent need for a feeding tube. Some of these conditions are prematurity or failure to thrive, neurological or neuromuscular conditions, cancer, digestive disorders (like gastroparesis), Down syndrome, swallowing conditions, eating disorders, and many more! People of all ages, genders, sizes, sexualities, races, and health histories can have feeding tubes. You can also have a tube for only a few months, a few years, or you can need one permanently. Each person’s journey is unique.

  1. Feeding tubes are a scary, bad thing.

People often think of tubes as being scary or bad, but to many of us they are what give us our life back. Being malnourished and dehydrated all the time is exhausting and dangerous, so having a feeding tube that allows you to stay nourished and get some energy and strength back is such a relief. No, it is not an easy thing and it is not what most of us want or ever imagined for ourselves, but it is a lot better than starving to death, which is what would happen to many of us (myself included) without the tubes.

  1. Feeding tubes are an easy fix.

Feeding tubes are a lot of work and they aren’t an easy answer for a lot of us. I can only speak from personal experience as someone who got her tube as a young adult with a chronic gastrointestinal condition, but my tubes have caused many trials and tears, lots of pain, and little weight gain, but I am alive and I can’t confidently say I would be here without the tubes. This past year I went from one tube (a GJ) to two separate tubes (a Jtube and a Gtube), that surgery was complicated and recovery was brutal, Ive been in immense pain for most of the last 4 months since surgery. The body doesn’t always like having foreign bodies permanently lodged into your organs.

7. Feeding tubes put an end to your symptoms

A lot of people think that once someone with a digestive condition, or other conditions that cause malnutrition, get their tubes, they start to feel automatic relief from symptoms. Tubes are incredibly helpful and they do help many people get to a point where they can function at a much more “normal” level as their nutrition and energy levels improve. That said, many of us still deal with daily symptoms like nausea, pain, bloating, constipation and/or diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue, etc. Living with feeding tubes is only part of the treatment for many of us; they are life saving, but they aren’t the only treatment or the cure to those of us who have chronic conditions that cause us to need them.

8. You don’t experience hunger when you have feeding tubes.

Many people with feeding tubes still experience some degree of “hunger pains,” some have true hunger while others are experiencing spasms that mimic hunger, but it’s normal to feel hunger when you aren’t filling your stomach up with solid foods all day. There are so many conditions that can require use of a feeding tube, some of them have nothing to do with the function of the stomach (food allergies, swallowing conditions, FTT, eating disorders, etc.) so these patients are much more likely to feed into their stomachs (gtubes). They are also likely to experience hunger between feeds. Individuals with conditions like gastroparesis (stomach paralysis) and other digestive conditions may feed into their intestine, skipping the stomach completely. Some of these individuals experience hunger while others do not. Tube feeds do not always stop hunger and definitely don’t stop cravings. Some days it can be hard to avoid “real people” food.

 

Life with a feeding tube is not easy, but they are life saving and I wouldn’t be here without mine.  Feeding tubes are nothing to be ashamed of, if you have a tube, be proud. Advocate and spread awareness for yourself and for your fellow tubies.

I hope I covered all of the basics, but if you have anymore questions please don’t hesitate to ask! Feeding Tube Awareness Week is all about spreading awareness, sharing knowledge to help work towards more research and answers for the future, and supporting one another, tubie or not 🙂

 

Keep following the blog this week for more posts on Feeding Tube Awareness Week as well as a special video and information on how you can help the Newbie Tubies Project!