Guest Post: 10 Tips to Life with Lupus

Lupus is a condition that causes your body’s and your immune system to fight against you 24/7. It can affect almost every part of your body including the heart, skin, kidneys, lungs, joints, blood cells, and even the brain. It is a chronic condition, it won’t go away, so once you’re diagnosed with Lupus, you have to learn to live your best life with it. The effects of lupus vary from person to person, sometimes being completely debilitating, sometimes just coming in waves, sometimes being minimally “visible.” All you can do is manage symptoms and make necessary changes to your lifestyle and stick to treatment, most will be able to live a happy life.


Here are ten tips to live a little better with lupus and make the best of this life:

  1. Don’t Compromise on Rest and Sleep
    Fatigue is a common symptom of lupus, which can be dealt with by maintaining a healthy sleep cycle and abstaining from overwork. Make adjustments to your bedroom to make slumber time as comfortable as possible. Do not consume any stimulants after sunset, in order to achieve7-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night.
  2. Exercise Daily
    Regular exercise boosts the immune system, which is why it is highly beneficial for everyone living with lupus. However, as lupus triggers increased fatigue and joint pain, do not opt for high impact workouts. Stick to lighter exercises, such as walking, cycling, and yoga.
  3. Quit smoking
    Smoking is injurious to the heart and lungs, which are already compromised in the case of lupus. If you want to prevent early onset of cardiovascular disease and lung problems, break the habit of smoking cigarettes and other stuff that could instigate charges for a drug crime.
  4. Avoid Drinking
    Many people having lupus suffer from kidney failure at a young age. Alcohol is very bad for the kidneys, especially if they are already in a vulnerable position. Alcohol can also react with certain medications prescribed to lupus patients, causing side effects or lowering efficacy.
  5. Keep Clean
    Since lupus makes us susceptible to infections and allergies, we need to be extra concerned with hygiene. Always carry sanitizer when you leave the house, refrain from touching contaminated services, and prefer meals prepared at home.
  6. Protect yourself from UV Rays
    Sensitivity towards the sun is another common symptom of lupus, so avoid going out during the day and consider yourself a vampire. If you have to go out in daylight, wear sunscreen with a minimum of 30 SPF and try to stick to shade. Extremely bright indoor lighting can also expose you to harmful UV rays, so fluorescent bulbs at home can be covered with a light shield that filters the damaging rays.
  7. Keep your Mental Health in Check
    Stressing out can set off and aggravate flares. A flare in lupus patients can be defined as an instance where regular symptoms suddenly get severe or worse than usual. You should indulge in activities that relax your mind and body. If you are experiencing anxiety or depression, psychotherapy is recommended to cope with it.
  8. Eat Healthy
    There is no restrictive or special diet for people living with lupus. You shall be fine as long as you eat well-balanced nutritious meals. Oily fish is particularly good for you, being rich in Omega-3 fatty acids that help combat inflammation. A Vitamin D and calcium supplement will surely benefit your bones and joints; also, avoid very spice food, as it may instigate irritation, heat, and development of ulcers.
  9. Try Alternative Therapies to manage Pain
    Acupuncture, yoga, tai chi, chiropractic techniques, biofeedback, and hot baths are a few alternative methods to alleviate pain. They will help you relax and cut back on pain killers.
  10. Join a Support Group
    It always helps to acknowledge that you are not in this alone. Look up lupus support groups in your area where you can meet other people facing the same challenges as you. You may gain valuable advice for managing symptoms and make a few good friends for life.
Continue reading Guest Post: 10 Tips to Life with Lupus

A Day in the Life of a Migraineur

A guest post by John Martinez with Axon Optics…

A day in the life of a migraineur is not a normal day. It’s like a day of playing dodgeball, but if you get hit, you have to call out of work and live with head-splitting pain. Migraine triggers can appear at any time, and the migraine can rear its ugly head on a moment’s notice. 

Living with migraines can sometimes feel like going on vacation, without any of the relaxation of going on a vacation. You need to check the weather, make sure you’ve packed everything you need, and always have a backup plan in case things go south. 

If you have a friend or family member that experiences migraines, this is worth a read. A day in the life of a migraineur revolves around migraines: avoiding them, treating them, and explaining them to others. 

Avoiding Migraine Triggers 

A day in the life of a migraineur often includes dodging triggers. The list of migraine triggers goes on as long as a migraine itself. Any of the following could also cause a head-splitting migraine:

  • Hormonal changes 
  • Changes in the weather
  • Stress 
  • Certain levels of physical activity
  • Strong smells
  • Bright lights
  • Loud music 
  • Dietary changes 
  • Caffeine or alcohol 

 

A day in the life of a migraineur may include turning down an invitation to happy hour, staying inside when they want to go outside, or trying to change an event to a more quiet and low-key location. All the while, the migraineur is attempting to stay calm, because too much stress may just bring on the migraine they are trying to avoid. 

Throughout the day, migraineurs may be recording their diet and activities in order to discover and control their triggers. Not all people with migraines are triggered by the same things – the process of pinpointing triggers and then avoiding them can take up an entire block of a migraineur’s day. 

What’s In A Migraineur’s Purse? 

It’s not always easy to dodge these triggers; how are you supposed to know when a change in barometric pressure is going to cause numbness and pain throughout your entire body?  

If migraineurs can’t avoid migraine triggers, they will have to treat migraine symptoms. This means carrying a bag with everything they need to deal with migraines. 

Medication 

Over-the-counter medications offer some of the quickest relief to migraines. It’s always good to have your painkiller of choice on hand when symptoms start to arise. Over the counter medications include Aleve/naproxen, Excedrin Migraine, ibuprofen, and Motrin migraine. 

For those of us who have severe, chronic migraines there are also prescription medications that you can take when you have a migraine coming on, imitrex being the most commonly used. There are quite a few options for daily medications and even some shots that are supposed to work for a month at a time, but these are new and not always covered by insurance, like any other med, they don’t work for everyone.

Hormonal medications may also help to regulate migraines – but this is not applicable to everyone. Female migraineurs should talk to their doctor about taking contraceptives or other hormonal medication if they have migraines. 

A Cold or Hot Compress 

This lifesaver can also provide relief in a pinch. Cold or hot compresses against the back of the neck or on the forehead can help to numb some of the excruciating pain of a migraine. Unfortunately, it won’t treat blurry vision or other types of numbness. 

Sunglasses

I recommend FL-41 Glasses specifically!

Migraine glasses, also known as FL-41 glasses, have begun to give a lot of migraineurs hope. These rose-tinted glasses have been crafted to block out rays that trigger photophobia (sensitivity to light.) They can be worn indoors or outdoors. Migraineurs who don’t enjoy wearing glasses can order FL-41 contact lenses.

If you have ever experienced photophobia, you probably get significant relief by wearing sunglasses indoors. However, research shows that over time, it can make your light sensitivity WORSE. Maybe too much of a good thing really can be bad? If you want more information on this, check out, “Why Wearing Sunglasses Inside is a Bad Idea”   by John Martinez at Axon Optics.

Caffeine – coffee, coke, etc.

Like hormonal medication, caffeine can either cause migraines or treat it. A small can of cold brew or a soda sometimes helps migraine patients, but this is not a widely successful trick and is definitely not a long term answer. 

The Dark

Sometimes nothing helps with a migraine and you are stuck laying in bed in the dark, wishing away the pain and nausea and whatever else comes along with your migraine, everyone has their own “aura” or mix of symptoms – light sensitivity and sound sensitivity are some of the most brutal triggers, so stepping out of your cave, trying to turn on a light to focus on a task, or even just looking at your iPad to Netflix your migraine away can cause a massive wave of killer discomforts of all kind.

Eye masks/sleep masks and ear plugs are your friend. Noise machines with peaceful background sounds like fans, white noise, rain, etc. can also help block out the more painful noises and give your brain something to focus on that ins’t “dangerous.”

Support

Most importantly, don’t fight alone, except when you’re mid-migraine and can’t stand even the smallest of noises.

Whether you find your support through religion, family or friends, your dog, or an inspirational playlist on your phone, it is important to have something that helps you stay positive and hopeful. There are also support networks on facebook and other social media sites that can make a big difference. Of course, having a supportive doctor is also very important, so keep that number in your wallet, too.

…But Don’t Take Our Word For It 

Every migraineur has a different experience. While some people feel like an ice pick is piercing their temple, other people experience numb fingers and blurry vision. (These are real quotes, by the way.) Some people may experience symptoms for mere minutes, others, for hours or even days.

Whatever it feels like, it doesn’t just feel like “a headache.” Lucky for most, you won’t ever have to feel this pain, but part of being a migraineur involves telling people that migraines are not just headaches, that they are serious, and that they need more awareness, more research, and more treatment options, much like any other chronic, misunderstood illness.

 

Guest blogger John Martinez, in association with Axon Optics, edited / posted by Positively Rachel as an awareness post for chronic migraines

Thank you, John for sharing with us, as always I am excited and grateful to have a guest blogger!

If you want to read more about migraines and how they affect daily life, you can check out my own work on a previous post, “Chronic Migraines: More Than Just a Headache” or “Kids Get Migraines, Too!”.

Mindful Impact

Mindfulness. It is just amazing how big of an impact our thoughts can have on our bodies, on our ability to heal. It’s important that you fill your mind with optimistic or positive, healthy thoughts and your life with all of the things that have always brought you joy, all of your hobbies, and the people who put a smile on your face.

Today’s technologies allow for incredible connections; there is a huge online presence of “spoonies” (as we call ourselves) all over instagram and facebook, both individual pages and group pages! This resource is a HUGE gift to those of us who suffer from severe illnesses that leave us homebound or bed bound with little to no social interaction, but there are cons to this as well.

When you surround yourself with individuals who are sick, and you are sick and have been for a long time, it begins to feel normal. You start to forget what it feels like to be healthy, to be a functional, productive person. When you start to feel that way you know it’s time to reevaluate your perspective, remind yourself of what makes you feel like YOU. Not sick you, not healthy you, but YOU.

Be mindful, know your limits physically and mentally. Will all of these posts from other sick chicks –  some of them trending towards competitive over who is worse off, some who seem to thrive off of the attention from being sick – make you focus too much on the sickness? Does life revolve around illness? Because it doesn’t have to; no matter how sick you are, you are more than your illness.

There’s a lot more to mindfulness than this, but it’s a start. I encourage you all to focus not on your illnesses, not on symptoms and treatments and bad doctor visits, not of scary unknowns and dooming diagnoses, but on all of the aspects of your life that were there before illnesses, that exist independently from illness, that bring you simple pleasure, joy, distraction, love. Positivity. Light.

Mermaid Soul

When I close my eyes, I go to the peaceful, beautiful underwater world at the lake. It’s dark and mysterious, the lake floor just deep muck squishing between my toes as I push off to surface like a dolphin, emerging just to take a breath before going back down, being engulfed by the water. You can hear the motor of boats before you see them, it is a soft, rhythmic stutter that comes and goes with the small waves. I could swim like that all day, every day and never be tired of it.

And then I’m in the clear, pure water in the rivers I swam in as a child, always searching for treasures in the slippery rocks under my feet, daring to go a bit farther, a bit deeper, conquering the current, being one with the water. There’s moss beneath my feet, the rocks I hit with my knees, and the little pinchers of crayfish. I find the deepest part and disappear for as long as my lungs will let me, sometimes swimming away and seeing if my family noticed how long I was gone, if they worried at all, other times just sinking into the water and just being one with it, listening, feeling the cold water and the hot sun, washing my problems away, down the river they go, I am at peace.

Chlorine. Salt. Sweat. The pool, the water I spent so much time in, practicing my strokes, competing, loving and hating it at the same time. I always seemed to tire before others, my heart rate was always higher, and even when I took my inhaler, I couldn’t breathe, but still, it was my passion. Summer mornings diving into the cold, cold pool, a shocking wake up call for swim team practice, back and forth, often toe to finger close to the person before me, the person behind me. When swimming for fun, not practicing, I will disappear under the water, swimming without coming up to take a breath, going deeper and deeper, testing out my lungs, happy and at ease.

One day I’m going to be free of central lines and feeding tubes and I’m going back to the water. I’ll live on the lake, I’ll travel and see the incredible beauty of the underwater world through my own eyes, scuba diving, snorkeling, swimming with dolphins, maybe hippos too – just no snakes. ☺ I can’t wait to return to my life as a mermaid, feeling the water, seeing the beauty, feeling no pain, just peace and happiness, such simple things.

These memories are worth gold, they’re what I need to have faith and they inspire me to make my dreams come back to reality. A piece of my soul belongs in the water, the thought of return comforts me when I need an escape, being my happy place when I need to disappear, and gives me hope and drive to find my way through my trials and back to my underwater world.

When Life Gives You Limes

People often use the expression, “when life gives you lemons” when things aren’t going quite right, you’re likely familiar with the phrase? Well, humor me as I explain why I’d like to adapt the statement to, “when life gives you limes.”

In my opinion, lemons are tasty and you can do so much with them, many options being super simple! For example, of course you can make lemonade, then there is lemon cake, lemon bread, lemon cookies, pie, and more! I mean lemons are great for tea, detoxing, or simply put in your water. Lemons are just so handy, but limes? Limes are a little bit more complicated, they’re slightly more sour and although you can use them in drinks and recipes, it’s not quite as common, kind of like chronic illnesses – complex and uncommon.

That said, I have quite a few limes in my life. I’ve been diagnosed with over 10 chronic illnesses, a handful of which are seriously debilitating and progressive. I’ve had to take medical leave from the school of my dreams, now having watched my classmates graduate without me, and put my future goals on hold. Because of my symptoms– mostly nausea, pain, and fatigue– most days I am not even able to leave home and I spend majority of my time in my bed resting and sleeping.

I have new limes thrown at me every time a doctor gives me a new diagnosis, every time a treatment doesn’t work, and every time I wake up feeling worse than I did the day before. However, I’ve learned to take these limes and use them to help me find all of the gifts in life, all of the things that I am so thankful for. When you’re given challenges, sour moments, it really teaches you to be so much more thankful for every little moment or object that makes you feel joy.

Some of the sweet things in my life that regularly help me get through the sour moments include my dogs, Baxter & Dexter, my family, good music, and my online support network. There are also little gifts day to day like a 75 degree day, a special visitor or getting something in the mail, being able to take a walk, an Epsom salt bath, taking a drive and seeing pretty scenery, etc. Lots of small things bring me joy, and I am so appreciative of every happy moment I am given.

I’ve had a lot of curveball limes recently, broken tubes, line infections, flare ups of pain and nausea, exhaustion, and doctor troubles to name a few, but I’ve learned to put up walls that keep all of this from affecting me too much, only allowing through the smallest amounts of stress or worry possible – the last thing I need on top of my illness happenings? Extra limes.

Learning to filter out some of the extra stressors, even the smallest things you may hardly notice can make a big difference in the long run. Hold on to every happy moment, every simple pleasure, and let go of negative energy; hold no grudges, and never go to bed or leave your loved ones angry. Forgive, love, laugh, and remember not to waste precious time on trivial issues. When life gives you limes, take a moment to find your own sweet moments and happy thoughts, play your favorite song or cuddle with your dog, text your best friend or your mom, take time to express yourself, share your love and gratitude, spread the joy in random acts of kindness, random words of affection. Life is too short to be sour.

 

Medical Madness: Survival of the Introvert

I’ve always been a bit of an introvert, my parents often tell me that when I was young, my teachers said I hardly spoke a word, I was polite and hardworking, but quiet as a mouse, which my parents thought was odd since I often talked a lot at home J I’m shy and often have trouble making friends, I have always hated confrontation or having people be upset with me. I worry about running late or being in the wrong place at the wrong time… I’ve got a lot of thoughts and opinions and knowledge, but being introverted and having trouble sticking up for myself in tense or questionable situations, it can be a major downfall when you’re living like I do.

Getting sick at such a young age with conditions that so many doctors don’t even know about let alone know how to treat. Since I was young and still living at home, my parents were always with me at doctors appointments – still are today J — and they were able to help me express things fully and ask all of the questions I needed to, ask for help with whatever needed more attention, but I still often got overwhelmed.

Being sick so long I’ve begun running my doctors into retirement, and of course with that comes the need to begin the draining search for new doctors, a task that brings difficulties in many ways. You’d think that after almost 8 years I would be able to do this on my own, to handle doctors and keep focused and calm and get everything out of it that I need, but that’s just not the case. You never know what you’re walking into with new doctors; each has their own protocols for testing and treatments, they believe in different approaches, and you have to explain your history in detail, which gets longer each time.

There are so many biases against girls like me with “invisible illnesses” simply because of my age, gender, and appearance, and the worst part is that those biases and judgments don’t just come from stupid high school kids or young adults, they come from doctors, from insurance, from pharmacies, from all of those who are supposed to be the ones making my life, making my body at least feel a bit more comfortable, a bit more active, a bit more NORMAL.

After a few bad experiences with doctors and nurses and hospitalists, some being members of my own care team, the medical professionals who hold my life in their hands, and that kind of brutal betrayal can lead patients like myself to extreme anxieties and even medical PTSD, which makes finding new doctors a terrible thought, a stressful time for me, and on top of that, I have to be brave enough to get through these appointments feeling like I’m in good hands.

Doctors are supposed to “do no harm,” but that concept is flawed and misinterpreted sometimes; “do no harm” isn’t a pledge meant just to protect us from doctors intentionally causing harm, doing things to make us sick or cause us pain, etc., it means do all you can to help your patients no matter who they are and what they have. There’s so much that happens behind the scenes of the medical system, doctors with prejudices who feel they have a right to be rude and judgmental and negligent when we know something is going on and we are asking for help. Negligence is a crime just as serious as purposeful, physical harm.

Why do you get to decide what I’m feeling, what the symptoms or side effects can or cannot be based on a decade old case study instead of putting trust into the patients, the ones living this, the ones suffering every day while the professionals get to wash their hands and go home without another thought of how their actions or lack there of are affecting us. I may not be a medical professional, but I am definitely a chronic illness expert, and if doctors could truly understand that, we could work together, creating trust and mutual respect.

A wise woman once told me that I need to remember that doctors work for patients. I think doctors forget that and take advantage of their position and their capabilities, the things that only they can do or get their hands on. We need doctors, we need the resources they can give us, but they need us, too, and they need to keep in mind that those of us with chronic illnesses aren’t your average patient, and we know our stuff.  No one knows chronic illnesses better than the patients themselves.

Since there are no options for spoonies to join the medical field based on our personal knowledge and research, it would be incredibly beneficial if our doctors and insurance agencies and dieticians, pharmacists, etc. would take us seriously and use our advice, consult with us more so than just making the decision and saying that’s that.

We do so much of the work, so much of the research, and all of the first hand experience, yet we still rely on the “professionals” who are making these decisions without listening to the answers we are offering.

Adventures of Mummy & Her Little Tubie

I’m excited to share a post written by one of our Newbie Tubie Mamas who is the mama of a little tubie and agreed to share a bit of her journey with us! This is a great opportunity to read a bit about raising a tubie from the perspective of the mother…

“There were times I’d sit and wonder how the hell we were going to get through this, how can we live like this forever not being able to feed our baby who’s starving and also failing to thrive anyway so needs every bit of milk he can get.

Our little man is now 8 months and has all of his nutrition via a feeding tube. Some days your baby’s screaming for milk and you can’t feed him because you can’t get the right aspirate – this could take us hours. It does get easier I promise!

I’m very lucky my husband is amazing with our children. He’s definitely the more practical thinker and I go into full research mode and sit and think what if. I have managed to tone down the googling – my husband made me promise I’d only google it if the doctor had spoken about it or it was in one of his reports and that really does help. Your then looking at specific information rather than a whole load of case stories of children who have completely different medical histories. I do find that being prepared helps my mental health, but only if I’m preparing for the real thing, not something from google that ends up being way far off from what’s really going on.

It also helps that he’s a very hands on Dad so I know when I’m in hospital with our youngest that the others are safe and happy at home with their Dad who also manages to keep the house going while I’m away. They spend lots of time visiting us because at the moment they’d rather be with us at the hospital but when the time comes that they don’t want to do that anymore we will be respectful of this and put other plans in place.

Our children have been amazing, they find it really tough and it’s so important to remember that this isn’t easy on them, either. They’re young, but they see the complexity, they see when we are upset, they want to know, so we tell them what’s happening but also try and keep their lives as normal as you can. We try and make sure they get to all their clubs, they have friends for tea or we get them on days out as we would have done before.

Siblings are a great gift to our tubie, but we have to make sure that each child feels loved, appreciated, and individually important to us and to everyone. Each one makes a huge difference, is an inspiration, a source of strength and light and joy.

During feeds it can be difficult to pick your baby up without messing up the pump, kinking the tubing, or making your baby uncomfortable from the feeds, and as caretakers, moms especially, all you want to do is hold that sweet baby! There are often extra steps when doing these basic, instinctual habits, and when you’re a parents, that can be extremely frustrating and disheartening. Eventually, the medical supplies falling out of all of your closets and the tasks that come with tubes and chronic illnesses become part of your daily routines, it all just becomes second nature – scary thought, right?

It’s all about finding the right mindset, but you first have to almost grieve the life you thought you were going to have with your new baby. I cried for hours that I would loose that bond by holding him to feed him; I can assure you I was worrying over nothing our bond is stronger than ever! We still get plenty of cuddle time and when he’s feeding I’ll often sit next to his cot and hold his hand, play peekaboo or tickle him. There are lots of opportunities for bonding you just have to look for them.

I woke up one day and realized this was our life and we’ve got two choices we get on with it, build our little man up and hope one day he stops aspirating or we sit and sulk about it which gets you absolutely nowhere! Life doesn’t stop for a feeding tube, feeding tubes allow life to get going again, it allows children to BE children, it is just another way to feed your little one.”

-Hayley Smith

If you have any interest in guest posting, I’m always happy to share different perspectives and pieces from fellow writers 🙂 Email me/contact me through the blog if you want to talk about it 🙂

 

Sponsor a Book for our Little Tubies

I grew up with two early childhood educators, so books have been a staple for me since day 1, and that is a true gift my parents gave me. Books help us learn about the world in a fun, visual, and age-appropriate /understandable way, teachings us the simplest of things like letters and animals to right and wrong, to all you can do when you grow up, and how to be the best YOU that YOU can be, whatever that means.

Books are part of what help us learn about new and different things we may come across, and it’s important to give children resources to help them be aware of all of life’s diversities and that being unique is never something to be ashamed of, so authors include all sorts of characters and situations in books that help prepare kids for life, even if the kids think it’s all just a story…. What about books for kids with illnesses? Children with wheel chairs, bald heads, or feeding tubes?

When I started Newbie Tubies I had a goal to help all of my “newbies” have all of the important information and to feel as supported as possible, and to learn love and acceptance for their new gadget and for themselves. Some people have a harder time than others with this, and that is completely fine, but sometimes you need to let those around you help you get to that point by letting them support you and accept you and your tube for you to see that your tube doesn’t change you, it just keeps you around…

Well, back to books, sometimes it can be hard for our littler tubies to adjust when they go to school and all of a sudden are thrown into a world where peers are eating lunch and bringing in cupcakes for birthdays and you’re no longer in the safety of your home, but both tubie and classmates start to see differences, even at a young, young age, and it’s time to bring in the books to help normalize tubes, to make all of the classmates learn through the avenue they know best – books.

For the same reasons, picture books about tubes can also be very beneficial for adult tubies who have young children or work with young children. Visual, audio, and hands on awareness and normalization is more than we can ask for, and starting young, starting by reading these books to the next generation is just awesome.

If you’re interested in sponsoring a book for our packages, we include one in each package we send to our little tubies and we appreciate every donation! I’m attaching the link as well as the list, so if you have a tubie of your own and want to buy a book, there are quite a few great options!

Our “Sponsor a Tubie Book” wish list on Amazon carries some FABULOUS tubie books for our young tubies! Click HERE to go straight to the list, the names of our most used books are listed below in case you shop elsewhere 🙂

 

BOOKS!

“The Adventures of Team Super Tubie”

Kristin Meyer

“Tubie Kids Like Me”

Annette Fournier

“When My Brother Got a G-Tube”

Jordan Tarbutton

“My Belly has Two Buttons: A Tubie Story

Meikele Lee

“Emma’s Special Tummy”

Paula

 

My Tubey Series by Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue (full series on amazon!)

“My Tubey Goes to School:  A My Tubey Book”

Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue

“There’s More Than One Way to Eat: A my Tubey Book”

Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue

“My Tubey: A Day in the Life of a Tube Fed Girl”

Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue

“My Tubey: A Day in the Life of a Tube Fed Boy”

Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue

Chronic Illnesses: Who Knows?

In the past few months I’ve seen increased frequency and severity in my symptoms and even new symptoms coming to light. When I have flare ups or new issues I often become more aware of my current physical state, and ironically, while doing so, I usually think I’m better off until these harsh realizations, moments of brutality that shine a light on the fact that no, I’m not better, I’m actually worse, but I’ve just gotten used to being sick, used to this flare up that just never left, that became my new “normal.”

Though I’m used to high levels of pain, severe nausea, frequent migraines, fatigue, etc. when I wake up and have new symptoms or symptoms I’ve had before all of a sudden “amplified,” it can be super frustrating, discouraging – not to mention painful. But when these “flare ups” come about and decide to stick around for more than a day or two, the mind starts to wonder….

Is this a flare? Are these symptoms going to go back to “normal?” Is there something more serious going on?

Pain is a hard thing to talk about and understand because everyone has a different relationship with pain, everyone’s “scale” is their own – my 6 could be your 9 for example – and you can’t really know what anyone else’s is unless you’re living it. My pain has been a totally new phenomenon the last couple weeks, my body is searing, my head is killing me, it’s just relentless. This pain is different from my “normal” pain, though, so it’s kind of hard to compare them severity wise, it’s hard to simplify it to a word like “throbbing, stabbing, burning, etc.” or a number 1-10 – I’m in severe pain and discomfort all over my body and it won’t give me a break — I wish that were enough to figure out a way to help, right?

“What concerns me the most is the unknown….it is just too overwhelming to think about…”

When my symptoms cause me to be even more “disabled” than normal, when I can’t get up or out of the house for a week or more, I’m hardly able to be around others because of the pain and stimulation, and I’m sleeping excessively or unable to sleep at all, it can be hard to find motivation, hard to force yourself to get up and get going, doing something as simple as shower or change into fresh pjs…

“No one really explained to me the depth or the magnitude of that diagnosis, no one explained how serious and life changing this chronic illness can be….”

There are so many unknowns with chronic illnesses, and most of us learn all about that through personal experiences, not from doctors or even google doctor! Living with conditions that even doctors don’t know enough about can be scary, all of a sudden everything you know is just swept out from underneath you, you’re left with so little understanding and no control over your own body, your own life. This is all shocking, it’s devastating, and you have got to find a way to embrace it, conquer it, and grow right along side it, otherwise, it will break you through and through, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally, mind, body, and soul.

The Gift of Normalcy

I had a fabulous childhood; I was loved unconditionally, I was supported by my parents in everything I did, and I never felt alone or scared or underappreciated, I always had everything I needed and 99% of the things I wanted 😉 My parents always encouraged me to try new things and find whatever it is that makes me happy.

I’d always been a small town girl, good student, decent athlete, volunteer, etc.; Well, I wanted to be more than just “normal,” more than just small town, so I thought going away for school or finding a job that could set me up for working outside of my hometown & granting me the (financial) freedom to live a lifestyle that I thought was important to me might be my answer.

Like most kids – at least I hope it is this way for most – I was always told I could do anything, be anything or anyone I wanted to be when I grew up, and I embraced that thought and always dreamt about what I wanted in years to come. At 3rd grade I wanted to be a writer, then a cook. In middle school it was a lawyer, then an FBI agent or a behavioral analyst like those on Criminal Minds, and finally, by college, I wanted to be a behavioral therapist focused on autism.

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Did I mention my gift for style?

After falling ill and having two severe “flare ups,” the second of which never passed, has guided me into a whole new set of goals for my lifestyle. Instead of searching for my door to an extraordinary life full of adventure and expensive brands of clothes or my dream car – red convertible incase you’re wondering – I want to focus on something so simple – I want to find my happy, I want to make the most of my NOW, and that’s not money or material, that’s my people, my dogs, my artwork, my small adventures just driving a mile to see the dam in different seasons or try to see the eagles nesting, the bears someone spotted down the road, or just the ice on the trees or the flooding over the bridges.

I went from planning every part of my future and searching for all things perfect to searching for all things normal.

I want to be able to enjoy all of the small things, I want to be able to say yes every time I’m invited to go out with my sisters, I want to be able to make new friends who I can say yes to when I’m invited out …

Hell, I’m not even asking to be able to eat or drink a coffee or a martini, I just wanna go.

 

Chronic illnesses leave you with so little control, losing your ability to make all of the small, simple decisions that most people don’t have to think twice about can be an incredibly difficult thing to adjust to!

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Part of this adjustment is that severe chronic illnesses require just about 24/7 care, as an adult, so alongside the control, you lose any and all modesty and privacy you had left. For an introvert like myself, that’s no easy feat to come to terms with. I’ve never liked being the center of attention, & being sick is not a super easy situation to deal with when you’re shy, I mean just having people ask me how I am all the time has been tough, it’s a balance of how much to share.

It’s a quick second to think through — who is asking, do I know them? Do they know my story or are they just asking b/c that’s how you greet people? Do they want a real answer or are they being polite?

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I started this blog to help update people on my own health, but also to spread awareness so that people know how to handle situations like this, and I hope it is helpful for other spoonies but also for care takers and loved ones who are looking for help and advice so feel confident in your ability to support your loved one during their journey.

I sometimes get an urge to do something that normal people my age should be doing, and sometimes it might be a push for me, maybe even a risk, but sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

These times are those in which I don’t need questioning, doubt, or guidance. I don’t need it and I don’t want it, I just want support, I want love, I want encouragement. I want you to be happy that I am doing something that will make me happy, and we can deal with the repercussions as we go 😉

So, what’s the greatest gift you can give me? The best way to talk to me, best way to treat me?

Treat me like you would treat anyone else.

I can’t speak for every spoonie/tubie personally, but I know that personally, but learning how quickly things can change, how abruptly you can lose the ability to do your favorite things, eat your favorite foods, go out and take advantage of your youth, or even just care for yourself you often reevaluate your perspective and priorities.

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When you hear my name, I don’t want you to think of “oh that poor sick girl,” or “oh what a shame, she was doing great things.” When you hear my name, I want you to think, Rachel, Rachel is going to do great things, Rachel is fun, Rachel is creative, and Rachel is making a difference for others. Rachel is sick, but Rachel is capable. I’m tube fed, IV saline dependent, and I use a wheelchair, but I am ABLE to be me. I have good days, I have motivation, I have goals, dreams, hope, and feelings. I’m just like you, but I have a whole different, deeper understanding a perspective.

I don’t need to do everything in the biggest, grandest way. I don’t need to make a ton of money or have the biggest group of friends. I don’t feel a need to stick out or be recognized as anything more than just being me. Being Rachel.