Welcoming in a New Day

Another year gone, already?! I’ve read and heard so many people saying that time is flying by or posting long facebook posts about all that was accomplished or what they learned in 2017 and what their goals are for the new year. And yes, sure, I could do the same, but in all honestly, my illnesses have changed my perspective on the passage of time and watching one year pass and another begin just isn’t as huge of a celebration anymore.

My life has changed drastically over the last 5-6 years and I’ve grown and learned so much, but I’ve also lost many parts of myself and so many aspects of my life that used to create that excitement and significance of a year passing.

I’ve been out of school full time for three years now, and by leaving school I also left my friends, my social life, and my education behind. At the time, I had no idea I was leaving for an indefinite amount of time, and now I’m watching my friends graduate, some of them have even gotten engaged (s/o to my first year hall-mates who just got engaged to their high school sweethearts <3), and many of my high school classmates have even settled down and started families.

Before leaving school and having my illness progress into an extremely severe case, I had so many goals and plans for my life, but being dependent on feeding tubes and a hickman line (a long term IV in my chest) for nutrition and hydration and being dependent on my parents for everything from setting up feeds and sorting my daily meds to driving me to appointments and staying endless nights in the hospital has really changed things for me.

I no longer look at the long term or “big picture,” but instead focus on getting through each day. Some days I just focus on getting through each hour, trying to survive the time between each dose of nausea or pain medication. My every day life can get monotonous at times when I am home bound or bed bound, sleeping more than I’m awake, awake only to take medications, go to the bathroom, start new feeds, etc. The days blur together when you do the same things every day and have little to look forward to. Although many of my days are full of pain and discomfort, its always possible to find something to laugh at, smile over, or appreciate.

Instead of looking back on what has gone on in the last year or thinking of what I can accomplish in a new year, I continue to focus on each day and every small beauty and accomplishment that occur in that day. Although I don’t have any huge plans for my future, I do have dreams and goals, and I’ve gotten really good at appreciating the small things in life, if you take time to look, there’s something positive in every day.

More Acrylic Pours For Sale!!

Father’s Day

People always say that everyone knows each other in a small town; well I grew up in a small town where my dad was the principal at the local elementary school, so in my experience, that statement in pretty accurate. For as long as I can remember I’ve had strangers coming up to me in stores, schools, restaurants, and on the sidewalks just to tell me how amazing my dad is or reminiscing about their times with him.

My dad isn’t just known around town though, he is known throughout the county as the best administrator and an all around great guy. When he left one elementary school and moved to the next, teachers from the first applied for jobs at the new school to try to stay with him. When he left the last school and started working in Central Office, teachers and parents were devastated; it’s been a year and I still have people telling me how much they miss him and all he did for that school.

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Dad did a fundraiser and got taped to a wall! Did I mention he has a great sense of humor? 🙂

My dad is known to be incredibly smart and empathetic; his co-workers used to tell me all the time that they loved him so much because he cared about everyone. He will always listen and he will always do his best to help someone if he can; he’s about doing what’s right and what’s going to help people. He always wanted to help the children, the parents, and the teachers and their families. I could tell so many stories, but watching him work and do all he did for his students made me so proud to be his daughter.

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One of our favorite places! And of course, laura photo bombs!

 

Dad loves his job, and he has always been incredibly passionate about it, but if there’s one thing he is even better at, it’s being a dad. (sappy, right?) Dad was blessed with three daughters—we like to joke about how surrounded he is with females all the time 🙂 If you have daughters, you know we can be a… challenge. We can be stubborn, have attitudes, have boy problems, give killer silent treatments, hold grudges, be a little emotional, and pout like crazy. But we also love hard, show gratitude, laugh a lot, give great hugs, aren’t afraid to express emotion, love family time, and so much more. I think my dad would tell you we are worth the hard work.

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I’ve looked up to my dad for as long as I can remember. He used to tuck me into bed and say my prayers with me every night. We had “special time” with Dad when we were little where he would take us girls out without mom and we would get pretzels at the mall or see a movie and he would buy us presents. I was SO excited when I found out he would be my principal in 3rd grade, even though it meant we had to move to a new town. We shared a love for oreo ice cream. He took me to all of my swim practices and out of town meets. My dad taught me how to drive, I went to the same college he did (hopefully I’ll go back!). Now he drives me to the doctor all the time, spends countless hours talking to doctors, nurses, insurance agents, and pharmacists on the phone, and is by my side no matter what.

Life is unpredictable and it’s thrown a ton of curve balls at us, but my dad is always around to help figure it out.

I love you Dad, Happy Father’s Day!

Adventures of a Tubie

Have you ever had to make a decision between what may be smart or practical vs. what would make you happy or what would be fun? People often make these choices in small ways every day when it comes to choices about what’s for dinner, whether to study or go out with friends, what to wear, etc. One of the biggest lessons I have learned in my journey with chronic illnesses is that life is short and sometimes it’s worth a little bit of impracticality if you’re just in need of some fun.

I spend a lot of time taking care of myself and majority of the time my health comes first. I have a lot of doctors appointments and I spend anywhere from 16-20 hours a day hooked up to my IV pole on various tubes for infusions and feeds. I take countless daily and as needed medications and require a great deal of rest due to chronic fatigue and pain. That said, after a rough recent admission—which you can read about in a recent article here—my parents and I decided that I am in need of some fun.

I have some fabulous friends who live with similar health conditions that I do, but most of them live hours, states, and even countries away! Taylor is one of my best friends and she lives in Texas; she has two or three of the same conditions I have and has a feeding tube! Taylor came to visit me and our other friend, Macy, last summer and we had an amazing time! We have had two other trips planned but both fell through due to our health at the time.

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You’d never know each of us have tubes, central lines, and a handful of chronic illnesses! This time together was so precious.

Well, even though my health is not currently considered “good” or even stable, I’m going to go visit Taylor! I will fly to see her and spend a week with her in Texas! Considering most days I hardly leave my house right now, this is a huge undertaking for me, but it will be so good for my spirit. And although we are both in our early/mid twenties, Taylor and I are both quite sick and have similar restrictions so we will be good company for one another 🙂

I am so excited for this trip. I do have some anxiety about flying and traveling by myself and I know that I will need a long time to recover when I get home, but it is totally worth it. Although I can’t escape my body and my illnesses, I can take a small break from all of the stress that comes along with appointments, phone calls, insurance, etc. (or at least I can try!).

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Sometimes you just gotta pretend you’re a normal 21/24 year old and duck face it out 🙂

This trip does not mean I’m feeling better or I’m recovering, it just means I’m doing something that is fun and something that will make me happy. I’m taking time to be young and savor this part of my life as much as I can. We don’t have time to waste, so even if all Taylor and I do is watch movies and talk and nap, it is so worth it. Even if it takes me two months of sleeping when I get home, it is so worth it.

Don’t forget to choose the option that will make you happy sometimes, even if it may not be practical.

Thanks for reading.

xoxo