“Hiyo- I’m Amanda Hall & I used to be a tubie and am still living with chronic illnesses! I woke up November 3 of 2012 with what i thought was the stomach flu, but I never got better. I was told I had the second most severe case of Gastroparesis at Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, actually same results as Rachel, the NewbieTubies director! Eventually, I chose to use my rare for research. When i first got my diagnosis, i thought gastro-what?! This journey has taken me on a wild ride, but dang did life become so much more beautiful than I could have ever possibly imagined.
6 years ago I was 175 pounds, a college volleyball player, and a personal trainer. i worked 2 jobs and went to nursing school; I studied health, fitness, and nutrition like it was my job. I went to bed completely alive, and in one 8 hour night of sleep, I woke up undeniably dying. i lost 50 pounds almost immediately and my journey with feeding tubes started 6 months into this wild ride. My first tube was an NG tube, then a G tube, then a J tube… then a G-J tube. I didn’t have time to stop and think about what was really happening- I was just grasping to an inkling of hope for a chance of ‘normalcy’ again. After multiple attempts, my body wouldn’t accept a feeding tube, and I graduated to a hickman catheter for tpn. I know this all may seem overwhelming at the beginning, but namaste!- this tube is going to GIVE YOU LIFE!💫
Throughout the many years of fighting so desperately, my body started recating to every adhesive and physically rejected every forein object they put into my body. I would cycle thru feeding tubes like I was at the carnival. But, man did those feeding tubes allow me to be a kid again. they gave me energy, adequate nutrition, vibrance, and kept me alive when my body couldn’t figure out what it was supposed to do.
After 5 years and 24 extensive surgeries, I reached the end of my treatment options and chose to remove my stomach in the hopes that it would help improve my quality of life and offer reasearch for future generations who will be struggling behind me. In December of 2017, i went in for a partial gastrectomy, but because of complications, i came out with a stromach the size of TWO TABLESPOONS! My recovery was long and full of complications, but I am confident in saying that my Gastroparesis has been put on the back burner, rather than igniting a wildfire every. single. day. So worth it.
I graduated indefinitely from tubes in August of 2018 when my body began reacting to every tube placement with sepsis, and the life-threatening risk became greater that the life-saving reward. My last feeding tube was removed in March of 2018 due to severe sepsis, fungal and bacterial infections. i thought i beat it, but life would never be the same for me again. Sepsis and Gastroparesis quite literally knocked me off of my feet when I was hit with dysautonomia 3 months back.
As part of my treatment, i go to an infusion clinic 3-4x per week for saline infusions. Although I can’t have a tube permanently anymore, I am still a tubie more than I am not!
Yes- it’s scary, uncomfortable, disheartening, and frustrating… but I found that I was so much stronger at my lowest weight with a tube hanging out of my chest than i was at my highest weight, obnoxiously fit before I got sick. It’s all about perspective. and being kind to yourself.”
*Amanda shared her story with us and has joined me and my supporters in our journey to continue Newbie Tubies and grow as we can. I receive applications every day, and without the help of my donors and volunteers, it wouldn’t be possible. Thank you, and for more info, check out the section on newbietubies or find us on Instagram @newbietubies. We are always happy to hear from new people interested in learning about the project!*
Illness is not easy in any way, or for anyone. When your life is suddenly pulled out from under with little to no warning, and by something that no one, yourself included, has ever heard of nor can anyone begin to understand, boy does life change.
I got sick in high school, and thanks to some ignorant doctors, my parents were pretty sure I was going to be better in no time. I was a young female so of course the daily, crippling headaches were hormones and all the pains in my joints, nerves and ribs were simply growing pains, because as my lovely doctor said, “it’s normal for young women to be in pain.” Right. Helpful
Well when I got to 2 months of being unable to keep down most foods and was on homebound because I could hardly stand up from bed or be on my feet too long without passing out, nor could I eat or stay awake during school… I finally got admitted and got my diagnosis. Gastroparesis. What the heck is that, right? I don’t even think my doctors knew, because no one told me that it would change my life , forever.
I’ve come across so many medical professionals who have no idea what I’m talking about when I tell them about my health conditions…. EDS, POTS/Dysautonomia, Dysmotility/ GP, SIBO, migraines…. Is it so hard? Well maybe, but it shouldn’t be for doctors.
My family was and continues to be incredible and supportive in every way they can – even if I don’t always want comfort or support for myself. My mom grew up in a family where the flu wasn’t a real risk, a fever was just to keep you flushed and warm, and complaining wasn’t an option. What’s a doctor, right? As long as you could walk and your eyes looked strong, you were good to go – dress nice to feel nice.
To the point, my mom quickly adapted and came through for me and after some rough times in the earlier years, we grew closer than ever as she became my home nurse doing anything from making and hanging my feeds and fluids, sorting my weekly meds, helping me shower when I can’t do it on my own, brushing my hair even though I’m terrible about it because it hurts… I don’t know what I’d do without Nurse Bibi.
My dad and I have a different relationship, but it is so important to me, even if I have trouble showing it sometimes. He’s here for me no matter what, any time, any day. We go to out of town appointments and listen to fun music, joke around, etc. He helps me relax before appointments when he knows I’m anxious. He also lets me sleep or supports me when I want to do something else.
That reminds me so much of my year round, travel swimming days when Dad and I would drive to the meets just the two of us because I was so shy and didn’t have friends on the team, but I got dad to myself and we had so much fun. Dad also taught me how to drive 🙂
My little sister, Laura, has been majorly affected by this situation. She was looking forward to be the only one left at home while I was at school, but here I am. She graduated high school and is now in college. Pretty soon she will be ahead of me. Shes beautiful and gets more attention from boys than I ever did, even before I became the lost girl in the woods! But Laura harbors a lot more feelings and trials than she lets out. I’d do anything to take that back, but I don’t have many options. I’m sorry to put you through that, Laura. I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone.
Mom and Dad have different love languages, and so do I, but I have to remember how much my family does for me, and I have to put aside any pet peeves that I can in order to truly show my appreciation and love. I’m not great with words right now, I don’t love physical touch, but I do well with actions and giving gifts or sending/writing out my feelings. That, however, is the opposite from others in my family. Dad loves physical touch/hugging, mom loves actions, Laura… probably actions that follow words. Don’t lie. Don’t make anything up. Don’t take credit for something you didn’t do and don’t deny something you did do. Make sense?
Life is short, right? So embrace every day, and then really embrace the people you love. Can you make a sacrifice or step out of you comfort zone for a 15 second hug? Or a dollar store gift? It’s the thought and the effort that count, most of the time 😉 Family, by blood or by love and loyalty, are the ones you end up needing. It’s never too late to start appreciating people more and treating them as such.
Chronic illness can affect more than just the patient, when you have caretakers and live at home with family members, parents, or your spouse, they all suffer and worry and work so hard throughout the journey. So when you think about the patient and regularly check in or want to be of help, I can tell you that the caretakers (For me, my parents and my little sister) need just as much TLC as I do. It’s also so important for me, the patient, to take time to appreciate each of those people in my life, make sacrifices for them as they do for me, and treat them in the best way I can, even when I’m feeling terrible. This isn’t a battle anyone should fight alone.
Love and be loved, go out of your way to support and care for those in need, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself as well as for others.
Sometimes physically difficult days can also lead to mentally and emotionally challenging days, and if you’re alone or unable to distract yourself, these days of discouragement can turn into weeks of depression, so I want to share some tips on what to do on the difficult days — this applies to spoonies, tubies, mental health patients, and really anyone in general– everyone has bad days!
Get up and change your clothes – This is one I’m often guilty of during my homebound/bedbound times, so I know it can be one of the small hassles we often put off when we are having a bad day or an unmotivated day due to pain, nausea, fatigue, whatever it is for you that day. That said, sometimes just putting on a new pair of PJs, a super comfortable t-shirt dress, or sweatpants, whatever it is that you’re comfortable in, can make you feel a bit fresher and lighter, ready to take on the rest of the day (in bed) 😉
Self care – simple at home or out and about, face masks, nails, Epsom foot soaks, whatever your favorite thing is—
showers optional if you don’t have the energy – one day doesn’t kill ya. (neither does 2 days….3 days? 😉 ) I’m no shower person w/ POTS and GP, but the body adjusts amazingly when your body is adapting to changes like these. Buy some great shampoo and then dry shampoo & leave-in products and you can easily get away with washing your hair once or twice a week. It takes a bit of time, but your hair starts adjusting and working to stay clean longer.
Some people love doing their makeup, even if it’s just for themselves at home! If it makes you feel good about yourself or makes you feel more like yourself, do it! Lay in bed with that red lip stain, work it girl.
Even taking a walk or doing some stretching can refuel both mentally and physically – laying in bed all day/all winter can cause more pain…. Easier said than done, but finding your favorite way to get up and moving — walking, dancing, yoga, biking, etc. — can be great for you in so many ways.
Call up a friend—just have a movie night or go get your nails done, doesn’t have to be crazy night out, just some fun, time to enjoy yourself and for a moment, maybe, forget how crappy you feel.
Dogs are top notch medication/therapy and the most reliable members of our support systems 😉 Find a dog, get a dog, rescue a dog, steal a dog, borrow one… they’re everywhere, and they need love as much as you do!
Listen to music or get out your favorite coloring book or paints and use that creative brain in there! Sometimes all you need is a little bit of a distraction, a different focus for your brain, even if it’s just for 15-20 minutes!
Take a drive. Cant walk? Take a drive with your family/friends/caretaker and just get some fresh air, get out of your house for a little while. See the outside world.
Do YOU. What makes you happy? When do you feel your best physically and/or emotionally? Whatever that is, do it. Drop what you’re doing, take any meds you need to / can so you are comfortable (ish) and follow your spirit, your heart—your body may hate it, but sometimes an outing or a self care distraction can do you wonders.
Follow your heart, listen to mind and body, and don’t be afraid to express your emotions. If you can, talk to your parents, siblings, significant other, or friends/loved ones. You can also find so much support through online support networks, one huge gift that technology has shared with us; friendships with others with your conditions can be incredible, its a feeling of life long friendship with someone you’ve spoken to online for a few months and then in the years to come, through your worst flare ups and your toughest, lowest times you are being supported by someone you’ve never met in person, but someone who becomes the person.
Find your happy. Find your happy in activity, find it in hobbies and in friends or animals, in art or cooking, in working or advocating, but most importantly, find your own happiness that comes from within your own self. Love yourself, care for yourself, and don’t doubt your strength. When you need to be reminded of your worth or your strength or your beauty (inside and out), remember this, remember that you are your harshest critic, but you are strong enough to push through anything if you are strong enough to live with chronic illnesses. There’s nothing harder than this, so stay confident and have faith in yourself, care for yourself in any way you need/want to, and remember that YOU and your health, mental and physical, come first. You are worth it, worth so much more than any words I can put together, so I think I’ll call it here:)
Time for a Newbie Tubie Update! I am so excited to share that Newbie Tubies has had a huge increase in the number of applications we have received for packages. This is fabulous news, I couldn’t be happier to have this project be so successful and to be able to help so many new tubies adjust to life with feeding tubes.
In all honesty, this huge increase in apps is also a bit overwhelming for me, as a tubie myself, being the one who goes through each application and has to approve or deny each applicant, each fellow tubie… it’s not an easy task! But when I finally get to begin picking out items and pack each package, specialized for each unique, first time tubie, I’m reminded of why this is important work, why I started this project in the first place.
Being able to do this is such a gift, it’s a gift for the tubies who receive the packages, but it also a gift to me and to anyone else who has the chance to experience what it is like to help others go through this strange and misunderstood transition.
Many people have offered support in a multitude of ways, but to share this incredible gift with more people, both tubies & “normal” /healthy people, or donors, I’ve decided to begin offering the opportunity to sponsor a tubie package. I will always take “blind” donations, but if you are interested in knowing where your money is going, or if you want to do the shopping yourself, I am so happy to share this experience with you.
I have applications for new tubies of both genders that range from ages 0-30years and sometimes older.If you’re interested in sponsoring someone close in age to you or your child, I can almost definitely find you an application that fits the bill. I will not be providing any personal information about the tubie, but I will provide a list of that individual’s interests as well as the “Tubie Shopping List” to help guide you in your shopping; you can also add in anything else that would fit in the package and make sense for your tubies age/gender. After you shop, I would add in the tube items that you likely wouldn’t be able to get on your own as well as our tip lists, donor lists, and Newbie Tubie info before shipping it off.
This process is very similar to the angel tree or shoe box gifts you often see around Christmas time, but this is year round and a bit more specific. There will always be tubies in need of support; sadly, the medical system doesn’t always do a great job at preparing children, parents, young adults, etc. about the transition period to tube feeding or what it means long term. A lot can go unsaid which leaves a lot of room for confusion and unnecessary panic.
**With a donation of $25 or more, you are paying for shipping ($14) and helping pay for some of the extra items in the packages. $30-$45 would sponsor the whole package, all supplies and shipping.
***If you donate $25 or more, you can sponsor a package AND get a painting of your choice from the selection in this album, all of which are originals made by me, Positively Rachel’s Art.***
I do, of course, accept monetary donations, as well; monetary donations play a vital role in covering shipping costs– each package costs $13 just to ship! So, whether it be $5 to help me buy a few new mini hand sanitizers or $50 to cover package & shipping (maybe more!), you’re helping make this project happen. For that, I am thankful, and you should feel good for helping others during a hard transitional period in their lives that (most of) you can be glad you won’t ever have to deal with. (knock on wood)
My artwork is where majority of Newbie Tubie funds come from; I sell abstract, acrylic paintings and notecards with prints of my art/photography as well as bags, onesies, shirts, and more with vinyl prints to spread awareness & raise funds! You can order my art through the blog or through private messaging (instagram, facebook, email), and I do take custom orders as well; all of my profits from the art sales go towards what supplies are not donated & shipping costs for Newbie Tubies.
The easiest way to donate or pay for paintings is through paypal (firstname.lastname@example.org), but I do take cash and checks as well.
This is a stellar opportunity to do something really meaningful, to pay it forward.
Help me by sharing this, if you’re a tubie/spoonie or if you’ve received one of my packages, share how the packages helped you, share a bit about the challenges or what you’ve learned in your journey.
Thank you for reading, donating/purchasing, and for supporting both the Newbie Tubie packages and my art.
I may be sick, I may be a professional patient, but I’m also a person, but sometimes I feel like less than that when doctors, nurses, or insurance agents treat with disrespect, have biases against me before even seeing me or getting to know me, or neglect my physical or mental health because I am a challenging, serious case on the inside and a young, blonde, smiling 22 year old on the outside; invisible illnesses, especially in young women, often lead to many instances of mistreatment from medical professionals.
I’m almost never late to appointments. I have never missed, skipped, or forgotten an appointment. I email doctors with updates, questions, and reminders so that I can keep things going as efficiently as possible. I fill my meds, do my feeds, and try pretty much every alternative therapy suggested. I treat doctors with respect, no matter what. Not to sound stuck up, but I truly can’t think of much I could do to become a better patient, but honestly, that’s not my job in all of this. I am the patient, and I pay for these doctors to help me.
The idea of “doctors working for me,” is something I had never thought of before about a year ago when someone said it to me after I had a doctor say some hurtful things to me; I don’t work for the doctors, they work for me. They have no right to treat me with any less respect than they expect me to have for them or than they would have for another doctor, a friend, or a family member.
In fact, they should be treating me with great respect even if I’m not being extra outgoing or outwardly friendly. I don’t get paid to be sick. I don’t want to go to the doctor all the time. I’m often traveling hours to see them for just 10-15 minutes and they’re often not even able to help me or offer me anything new, so if I’m upset or not talkative, it’s just out of disappointment and frustration with my situation.
But doctors have chosen to be there, to help people. They choose their specialty, choose where they work, what age they work with, and they get paid very well for what they do. But just because they get paid and because they went through medical school doesn’t mean they are better people or even that they know what’s right.
Having invisible illnesses is hard. Many of these conditions are rare and under researched, doctors in small towns and even doctors who work in highly respected hospitals but aren’t specialized just don’t know these conditions. I’ve been to endless doctors who can’t pronounce the names of my conditions, don’t know what they are or what the symptoms are, or think they know and insist they know but are downright incorrect.
Sadly, a lot of girls with conditions like mine deal with doctors being rude or curt, abrasive, neglectful, biased and judgmental, and even abusive. Whether doctors are just having a bad day or whether they think they can speak to us in hurtful ways just because we are young or pretty, appear healthy, or smile and laugh like “normal” people and aren’t bald or in wheelchairs 100% of the time, I don’t know, but I do know that their actions and words can affect us for a long time.
When we are treated so poorly by people we have put our trust into, it isn’t just upsetting for a moment, it often affects our ability to put our trust into doctors and the medical system in general. Sadly, the only way someone like me can live at all comfortably is by seeing a multitude of doctors and working very hard to find treatments and medications that help minimize symptoms. We’ve put our lives in the hands of these people, we literallycannot go on without them. There is no excuse for them to treat us poorly, but when they do, we lose trust for them and we lose what faith we had in the system.
Doctors can go home and take off their white coats and eat dinner with their families, never having to think again about how that day went or what a patient said or did, but we go home and have to deal with the consequences of appointments for days, weeks, months. We rely on doctors and nurses and insurance agencies not just to be alive, but to have any comfort on a day-to-day basis. It’s not an option whether or not to have doctors or treatments, so if we lose one doctor, we have to work hard to find another one who is as good or better and willing to take on a tough case.
Conditions like mine mean you sometimes have to be both patient and medical expert, which is frustrating and exhausting. I don’t ask my doctors for magical treatments or cures that aren’t out there yet, but I do ask them to treat me with respect and dignity. I’m a person, not just a patient.
I never could have imagined needing a feeding tube at 18 years old, and now, at 22 years old, I am still relying on my tube(s) — now I have two tubes and a central line. I’ve had tubes for so long and learned so much that now I’m able to teach others about them! My life took a huge change in direction when my health took a turn for the worst and had my tube placed; suddenly I was experiencing so many changes in my lifestyle and my body. I began to feel like I had zero control over my own body, and everything I had planned for my life, my future, began to slip away with every day, month, year, that my illnesses progressed. My feeding tubes took a little while to get used to, physically and mentally, because they cause bloating, they stick out through certain clothes, and they can leak and be kinda gross…but they also saved my life.
Learning to love your feeding tubes as well as yourself, both your body and your lifestyle, can be a challenge at first…I struggled for a long time to find confidence and acceptance of both my body and my tubes, I still struggle almost every day to pick out a shirt that doesn’t hug my tubes or my central line too tight or pants with a waistline that doesn’t hit my jtube… it’s not easy to feel confident when you feel like you’re the only one who looks like this, the only one with tubes, alone in the journey you’re facing.. my goal is to help others feel less alone.
Here are a few of my tips for adjusting to tube life and learning to accept the tubes as well as all of the way those tubes affect you, your body, and your lifestyle..
1. It can be hard adjusting to tube feeding and not feeling in control of your own body, but you should never feel ashamed of the tubes or the changes they can bring to your body. These tubes keep you alive every day. It may take time to come to accepting this addition to your body, and that’s absolutely okay, totally normal; but always remember that health comes first!
2. You get a feeding tube to restore your body and increase both strength and energy. Feeding tubes may be a bit of a pain, but they are meant to give you your life back,not take it away. Never give up on your dreams or your goals, although everyone’s healing times are different, and we all have different underlying causes/conditions, feeding tubes themselves don’t need to be looked at as a disability or a limitation; in fact, for many, they are the opposite.
3. Trying to eat while you’re a tubie is not anything to be ashamed of, and it does notinvalidate your need for your tubes. Many people (with tubes) have a couple “safe foods” or still drink liquids, some can only suck on a piece of candy here or there, but either way, food or no food, you are still you, and only you know your body. If you can tolerate any oral intake and your doctor is okay with it, attempting to keep your system “awake” even with an occasional, tiny snack can be good and in no way invalidates your need for a tube.
4. Try to stay social! Being so sick and having a surgery like this often leaves one feeling exhausted, worn out both physically and mentally from the pain and inability to care for ones self; when getting out of bed is a painful challenge and showering takes more energy than was stored up for a whole week, it’s easy to get discouraged . Getting dressed and going out takes a ton of energy, but it is so good to get out, it’s too easy to become isolated! Friends will only take rejection so many times before they stop asking to hang out; even just suggesting a movie night or spa day at home is a great option to see friends, make plans, but not use as much energy. Your health comes first, but part of taking care of yourself means taking care of your mental/emotional health too, and having a healthy social life and support network is so important during times like these.
5. Feeling down in the dumps? During recovery and during challenging times throughout your journey it is so easy to slip into a “chronic illness mindset,” which essentially means that to some degree, many have a time of feeling a loss and grievance over a “pre-illness” self, a self that can begin to disappear when illness takes over and we lose some of our abilities to function in the “normal” ways, or in the “normal,” functioning world.
If you sense yourself falling into one of these times, I highly suggest finding a way to remind yourself of your goals, your dreams, yourself. Try creating a vision board, definitely one of my favorite ways to remind myself of where I was before illness and where I want to go now, what I want to do in my future, and all of the things past, present, and future that give me hope and motivation. Just begin by thinking of all of your goals and dreams, even the totally unrealistic ones (being a mermaid, traveling the world in 30 days, learning to fly, etc.), and cut out pictures and words and quotes in bright, bold photos or lettering and then make a collage on cardboard or a tack board, heck put it on your wall if you want! Hang it in a place where you spend the most time and allow it to encourage happy thoughts and positive thinking 🙂
I know people saying “mind over matter” and “just think positively, distract yourself” can be really frustrating or degrading, but positivity really is important if you want to make it through these transition periods and through your journey with chronic illnesses in general.
I plan to continue with more tips soon as well as some personal experiences with tubes, both good and bad 🙂 I am also going to be making a new vision board, and I will post a guide of how I did it when I can 🙂
Thanks for reading, don’t forget to check out the tubie items & artwork in the shop! Every purchase supports the Newbie Tubie Project, enabling us to send out another package & help another tubie adjust to life with tubes.
** i am not a medical professional, just an experienced tubie sharing my experiences as well as those of other tubies who help me compile information to help inform others about what “tubie life” is like and how to make the best of it 🙂 Please consult your physicians before changing any medical treatments/procedures.
The doctors work forYOU. Not the other way around. If a doctor (or a nurse, tech, or anyone else in the medical system) treats you with any less respect or dignity than you deserve, consider finding a new specialist.
No question is a bad question. There are awkward questions and there can be a boatload of questions, but all of them are important. Ask until you’re satisfied, even if the doctor is acting rushed or distracted. Your health and confidence is more important than anything else.
Some surgeons aren’t big talkers – they like to get the job done; make a list of questions and concerns and make sure to ask them the first time you see them pre-op/post-op or during your follow ups, it could be the only time you see them!
Recovery can be even more challenging than surgery itself. Have people who will be around to help you or at least set up some people to come visit and check on you each day. Before surgery, set up a place by your bed or couch where you can keep some essential items so you won’t have to get up and down every time you need something.
Don’t push yourself! There are no “shoulds” with chronic illnesses or tube feeding. If recovery is taking longer than planned, take some time off from school or work if you are able to! Learn that it is okay to say no when your friends want to go out to eat or get drinks late on a Friday night, if you feel cruddy or just don’t want to be around food, it’s okay to stay in or suggest a different plan. No guilt.
Learn to advocate for yourself. It can be hard to really get doctors to understand what you truly feel and then to get what you need to be comfortable. Be persistent and thorough in explaining symptoms and how it affects your life. If you aren’t good at being forward, take a parent, spouse, relative, or friend who can help make sure everything gets covered.
These are just a few of the major tips for getting started with “tube life,” but they’re applicable throughout the journey with feeding tubes and really with any chronic illness. Learning to manage your case, advocate for yourself, and stay on top of appointments/doctors, questions, and treatments both past and present can be a big task, but staying organized and figuring out early on what methods work best for you to manage it all is really beneficial in the long run.
Keep your eyes out for more tips, the next round will be more tubie-specific regarding tube care and what to look out for vs what not to get freaked out over! 🙂
Thanks for reading and I hope it was helpful! If you have questions or suggestions don’t hesitate to comment or message me!
Well y’all, I have some great news. About time, right? Let me start by saying that I’m thrilled with this news. It’s incredibly exciting for me as well as for my family, but, I am writing this post and explaining this news to you because although it is wonderful news, and it is what I’ve been waiting for forever, it’s not going to be a walk in the park, piece of cake, cure all for me… it’s a complicated treatment that is not widely used for my condition but nonetheless, my best shot.
A couple of days ago I got the news that my IVIG has finally been approved, and not just for one dose, but for 13 rounds. We’ve waited over a year and seen 3+ specialists in order to make this happen, it’s been a crazy battle to get to this point. On Monday 2/19 I will have my first round!
IVIG is IV immunoglobulin therapy. Essentially it is meant to reboot your immune system and help alleviate or reduce the symptoms of autoimmune or immune conditions. For me, the catch is that I do not have the typical conditions that IVIG is currently used to treat. There are many trials going on with how IVIG can help different conditions, gastroparesis included, but there’s no FDA approval for IVIG as treatment for it yet. That said, this is my only viable option left and because I do have an immunodeficiency, I was finally able to get it approved.
Throughout this process I’ve heard a lot of “slim possibility,” “doubtful,” “statistically…” “honestly…” “be prepared for disappointment…” and all of the other phrases doctors use to tell you they don’t think things will work…
BUT, we heard someone say, “it’s worth a shot,” and here we are today, after a long fight, ready to start a new trial.
IVIG is something my family and I decided was our best chance for change. Not all of my doctors agree, but when do they ever? It’s not a treatment widely used for gastroparesis or EDS/Dysautonomia, but because my immune system is involved, there’s a chance my GI system could respond in some way to it. My motility specialist is the one who suggested it as one of my last 3 options for treatment; today, this is the only one of those three options that I have left.
We don’t expect miracles. In fact, I try not to make expectations at all. I hope it works. It would be incredible. But if it doesn’t, I don’t want to be crushed. I’ve been warned by doctor after doctor that it is likely not going to help, so I’ve pretty much got that in my head, but I also have my own hope and positivity in there thinking maybe this is going to be it. I’m not a blind optimist, but I do have hope. It may be hard for some of you to understand that combination of emotions and feelings, but I’m glad it is, because it means you’ve never had to be this sick, and for that I am thankful.
I wrote this update because I know you all care, I know you all want and deserve an update, but I also needed to share with you how this process is going for me. It’s not going to be an easy treatment. It’s not a miracle drug. It’s not a guarantee of success or relief. It’s a treatment that is extremely hard on the body. It has major side effects. It’s a long shot. But it’s my only shot.
IVIG is what I’ve been fighting for and waiting for for a year. I’m so, so relieved that the fight for approval is over, but that doesn’t mean my battle is over, it’s onto the next step now. My family and I have worked so hard for this; hours of phone calls, emails, paper work, doctor visits, denials, tears…what a journey it has been, and now the journey continues. It will take at least 3-4 months to see any results even if this treatment does work. All great things take time.
What I need in this time is for my support team to just be here for me. I will update if there are any improvements or changes, I will update on how the treatment is going and if I am having any side effects or complications, and I will do my best to post regularly so you know whats happening in general. Try not to set expectations, have no disappointment, no pity or sadness if I see no results, no explanations of why it hasn’t worked or reassurances about when it will, just be here for me.
All I need is love. Support. Laughter. Company. Friendship. Exploration. Care. Distraction.
I’m sick and treatment is hard and unpleasant, but I have my ways of coping and I am still a person and sometimes I just need to be Rachel.
**Happy Feeding Tube Awareness Week! This is the first new post, keep your eyes open this week for more posts including but not limited to : Tips for Tubies, a project update, New tubies: Products to start with and where to get them, more on my personal experiences, and a special video! It’s also a great week to buy a painting or send a donation to Newbie Tubie Care Packages, so click here if you’re interested in more information on that :)**
Next month, in March of 2k18, I will celebrate both my 22nd birthday and my 3 year tube-iversary. In March of 2015 I was in school at UVA where I celebrated my 19th birthday on March 8th and then was admitted to the hospital the next week with a blood infection from my central line, which was keeping me nourished and hydrated at the time. On March 24th I was again admitted to the hospital for surgery to place my first long term feeding tube, a GJ tube that went through my stomach and into my intestine where I get my feeds.
Although I’ve had gastroparesis since high school, I never could have imagined that my case would become so severe, leaving me with a feeding tube(s) that could be part of my life indefinitely, taking me out of school, and changing the way I was able to plan for the future. When I first got my tube, my doctors hoped it would only be for a few months or maybe a year if I was really struggling, but we had no idea that my “flare” was about to become my new normal. Instead of having a few months of worsened symptoms like I had in the past, I waited a year… and then another year… and now another year with no relief.
After I finished my first year of college my health was at an all time low and I wasn’t able to go back to school in the fall. My tubes did help my nutrition, but I never tolerated them well enough to get in as much feed as the doctors wanted me to, never enough to gain a lot of weight back. It’s been three years on medical leave now; my classmates, my friends, will graduate in the spring and I won’t have had another day to be there with them.
My parents and I worked so hard to find answers, anything that would bring even partial relief; our original goal was that I could go back to school, but after a year and a half of incredibly severe symptoms and the addition of 3-4 new diagnoses, our goals became things like, “getting Rachel out of the house more… helping get her able to volunteer or babysit sometimes,” and at my worst times, it’s just “getting Rachel more energy and less pain/nausea so she can get out of bed…” From the Fall of 2015 through Summer of 2016, I saw at least three different specialists who are top in the nation on my conditions. Sadly, there are only a few medications that are used for gastroparesis, most of them not even FDA approved, and they can have nasty side effects.
My last (and current) motility specialist is at the Cleveland Clinic and is considered to be one of the top specialists in the world on gastroparesis and dysmotility conditions. He did extensive testing to find a root cause of my GP and to try to find a treatment option, but what we found out is that my gastroparesis had gotten so bad that the numbers were matched with only one other girl’s testing as the second worst cases in CC records. I actually met the other girl online and have been able to talk to her and compare notes and, sadly, she’s still struggling in huge ways—she could use your thoughts/prayers.
Because my dysmotility (lack of motion, “motility”) has moved into my intestines and almost stopped my colon’s motion (colonic inertia), my options are very limited. I had one viable treatment option that we were told was a long shot at working, but it’s my best/only shot. We have been working for over a year now to get IVIG (IV immunoglobulin therapy) approved, it has been a long and tedious attempt that has involved 3 doctors and multiple infusion centers, lots of disappointment, and plenty of reality checks. There isn’t a great chance of it working, but it’s essentially my last major treatment option, so it’s what we have to keep fighting for.
Last year around this time, a few months before, I started having a lot of trouble with my GJ tube flipping up into my stomach leaving me unable to do feeds. Because it was happening 2/3 times a month, I was getting malnourished and dehydrated and had lost even more weight—my all time low. It was decided that I needed to have a jtube placed, one that goes straight into your intestine, not through the stomach first, but it took us awhile to make that happen.
It took me almost another year to get that surgery done due to my malnutrition and some complications with doctors and finding a surgeon who would take on my case, but on October 18th I had surgery for my new feeding tubes. There were some complications during surgery as well as in the week post-op, and recovery was long and extremely painful. But, during that time I came up with my plan for my new project, Newbie Tubies, and now that has come to life and is such a wonderful part of my life.
My first mini- art show; this is both a pain distraction therapies and my #1 fundraiser for Newbie Tubies.
My first package sent! Now I’ve sent over 20!
I may not have ever been able to imagine my life turning out this way, but I have learned, been inspired, shared my knowledge, and seen things in a new perspective. I couldn’t do it without the support of my family, I’m so, so blessed to have parents who are willing to do anything needed to care for me and help me be comfortable.
Being a tubie is just a part of me now, and I’m more than happy to share all I can about that for Feeding Tube Awareness Week. <3
During recovery from my second tube surgery just 3 months ago, which I admit was long and pretty brutal pain wise, I realized how lucky I am to have such an incredible family support team working around the clock to help make me as comfortable as possible. I know so many people, of all ages, are walking the same journey but don’t have the support system that I do, and because these conditions are so uncommon, most people have never heard of them or have no idea that anyone can require a feeding tube no matter how old they are or how healthy they have been.
Sadly, most of us –myself included– just have to learn from experience, both our own and from online connections to people who are also experienced tubies or caretakers. I’ve had tubes for 3 years now, so I have a lot of first hand experience as well as what I’ve learned from my online community; so, if I can use my experiences and my knowledge to help bridge the gap and make the transition to tube life at all easier, I can’t imagine not doing it.
In December I began looking for small businesses, mostly on Etsy, that would donate tubie products and a few other care items to my cause and throughout the holidays I used my own funds to buy other products that were on sale, some items included were microwave heating pads, cute socks or fuzzy socks, soft throw blankets, journals and motivational books/journals, etc. I have a more detailed list I will share later on 🙂
In January I had enough to begin! I set up an online application and at this point (January 12) I’ve already had 10 applications! I’m so happy to have another way to share my knowledge, advocate, and most importantly, just to help others who are going through the same/similar things I have/am. It is amazing and inspiring and I couldn’t be more excited.
As excited as I am, I just can’t fund it all on my own. I use all of the profits from my paintings (whatever is left after canvas, paint, mediums, etc.) as my main fund, but that’s limited and depends on how much art I can sell. I do have a few other fundraising ideas, but I will also need to find more donors who are willing to help just because they feel that my cause is worth it.
Depending on the products I have on hand and the person (based on age and needs of the tubie), each package has a value of $25-$50, and that is without shipping. Shipping can cost a minimum of $14-$15 but can be as high as $30, again depending on weight and size of items and whether or not they will fit in flat rate boxes.
Right now, I’m still working with some donated items to create each package; right now, it is mostly tubie pads, some self care/pampering items, a handful of heating pads, blankets, and some extra little do-dads. But I’ve made a large dent in my supplies, so I am thinking a bit more about how to acquire some new donors and brainstorming some opportunities to find new products either by donation or for major discount!
I love supporting small businesses and I include a card in every package with the information of each (business) donor so that my newbie tubies will be able to purchase more of any product they find helpful. I also post any business/shops that donate to my instagram, facebook, and blog, which ends up hitting over 3k people, many of whom are facing chronic illnesses and make great customers.
I know I have so many loyal followers who like to support all I do, and I don’t want anyone to feel any pressure to donate when it is not convenient for you; honestly, I’m sure I’ll be posting my amazon lists or shipping needs fairly regularly, so if now is not a good time, please do not feel a need to donate or purchase anything for me!
That said, here are a few ways you all can help right now:
I accept re gifting!
**Did you receive some Christmas gifts that you know you aren’t going to use? Maybe too many of one item? I know many spoonies end up with lots of coloring books and fuzzy socks!
Or do you just have some extra stuff you aren’t sure what to do with? If it’s something someone could love, it’s package sized, and its in good shape, don’t throw it out!
Way too many adult or child coloring books? How about gel pens, markers, crayons, or any other drawing/writing instruments??
Small toys for children, stickers, etc? Common one, too many stuffed animals?
An extra planner? Fuzzy socks or small throws?
I guess you can say that I will be your “goodwill.” Let nothing go to waste or sit around unloved, instead, donate it to a good cause!**
See the lists below for more information about helpful products/items; I will take a lot of small items to save for someone who would love them!
Purchasing a painting
**My art directly benefits my project! You can order my paintings on the blog or by contacting me directly through email or facebook.
Any profit – what I don’t use for paint/canvas/pouring mediums/etc.—goes straight into shipping and shopping for Newbie Tubies!
If you are local, we can meet in person to avoid shipping costs.
The last option is just making a donation. If you want to make a monetary donation that would likely go towards sponsoring shipping for a box (or two!), you can do so through pay pal, send a check, or if you’re local we can work out a time to meet up for a cash donation if you prefer that.
I am also including my amazon wish list, “Newbie Tubies Wish List,” and my Etsy list, that have items, labeled/listed by priority (amazon), that I update based on what I could use at any given time.
If you are local and would like to donate but would rather pick up an item or two at the store when you go, I am including a list of other items as well. They can be dropped off at multiple locations, so please email me and we can make a plan (or if you work with my parents they will take the items as well). 🙂
If you are a small business, or know others with small businesses, and would like to directly donate products, you can contact me at email@example.com about what product you have and how we can best go about shipping/picking it up!
Thank you so much for reading through all of that, if you made it! Below are each of the lists I have talked about; please, feel no pressure, it is just an option for those who have expressed an interest in helping out 🙂