Pig With a Purpose: The True Value of Pocket Change


One of my favorite and earliest childhood memories is how my dad would come home from work every day and empty his pocket change into this big, clear jar on his dresser. Slowly, that jar would fill up &  and when it started to get near empty-ing time (hardly ever did we wait till it was actually FULL), my sisters and I would add in any change from our (sad) little piggy banks and the fun began! 

For awhile we put the coins into wrappers, we learned to sort them, count them, and break them up into equal piles once they were sorted by coin type, it was a fun learning task, a fun thing we did together. After sorting we would all go to the bank and get cash. Later on, though, we found a magical new way to do things…

Suddenly we could pour the change into the AMAZING coin eating machine! This magical being somehow counted our coins and spit out a receipt that dad gave to the bank tellers and in return, they gave us… CASH!! WOOHOO! 

My dad would give each of us girls part of the pot – sometimes it was more, sometimes less. Sometimes more pennies, sometimes more quarters. Either way, we each got some money and that was so exciting. But we would also talk about how some people don’t have as much as we do, some kids don’t ever get $5,$10,$20, they don’t even get new toys or special ice cream treats or in the worst situation we could imagine the kids didn’t even have 3 meals a day or a house with enough rooms for everyone, enough beds, or heat during the winter.

My dad often bought groceries for families in need, spent time at school checking in with the kids who lacked a healthy support system at home, and he was available around the clock, 24/7 for the staff and families that worked/attended the school where he was principal. He is truly a beloved pillar in our community. I was, and still am, always so proud of him and all he does for others; he is a true inspiration. 

So even though we wanted the money for ourselves, we learned how to be empathetic and we experienced first hand that it is a HUGE GIFT to be able to GIVE. I am so thankful to have two parents who instilled this in us just by being them, just by showing  it in their day to day actions and words. They never ask for more, never complain or want, they give all they can and sometimes maybe more than that. 

I can only hope that I will be able to do so much good for others with no underlying goal for approval or recognition, simply b/c we are inspired and driven to do so. 

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If you and/or your children have a piggy bank that is awesome, if you do not have one but would like to start one, I absolutely encourage you to do so. Whether you donate or keep the funds to yourself it is a fabulous way for kids to learn about money, learn about money management or how to spend some save some, or how to be generous and donate!

If you want to donate, I can recommend a fabulous cause 😉

If your child would be interested in helping create a package for a young newbie tubie around their age they can sponsor a Newbie Tubie Care Package!

You can do this through a monetary donation or you can purchase the items to put together a package for a specific tubie based on their age & interests!

We have online wishlists via Etsy & Amazon – book wishlists, button buddy wishlists (purchase an animal for me to create a button buddy – animal with matching feeding tube), tubie essentials on Etsy, and then we have shopping guides to tell you what we include in each package, that way you have a guide to follow as you shop in person or online!

It’s an incredible gift and it means so much to our tubies, young or older, to know someone put these items together specially for them! It’s also a great experience for gift GIVER. Learning early on how great it feels to GIVE is an invaluable lesson that no amount of rolled up pennies, or even quarters, could buy, it is a “live it to learn it lesson.”

We have lots of young children & young adult tubies (mostly ranging from ages 0-36, but also older tubies) so sponsoring NewbieTubies of any age (child or adult) is welcome and SO meaningful, truly SO appreciated! You can make anonymous donations, sponsor anonymously, or you can send a card with your info so that the tubie you sponsored can get in touch if they want to do so!

I will link our wishlists and provide contact info so you can let us know if you have any questions or want to get involved in any way aside from making a donation.

Thanks for reading and share if you can! 

ETSY MUST HAVES: https://www.etsy.com/people/rsb4fc/favorites/newbie-tubies-wish-list?page=3

AMAZON:   

MAIN LIST: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1J7LHVRD4V3A6?ref_=wl_share

BUDDIES : https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/W9IXBH9TFV4A?ref_=wl_share

Sponsor a Book! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/A2HGIE93P9BL?ref_=wl_share

PAY PAL: positivelyrachel101@gmail.com // VENMO positivelyrachel/positivelyrachel101@gmail.com

Shop Away, Newbie Tubie Style

Below are NewbieTubie Package shopping lists and links to our wishlists for items we are in need of right now! This list is current and we keep our wishlists updated based on supply!

We are so thankful for each and every donation, we truly cannot do this without your support and generosity! We are in need of donor support for products as well as for shipping fees to keep going, so share our posts to help us reach more donors so that our loyal followers and community don’t have to keep funding it 😉

Thank you in advance and please don’t hesitate to reach out with questions or suggestions on fundraising or other possibilities ✨

ETSY: https://www.etsy.com/people/rsb4fc/favorites/newbie-tubies-wish-list?page=3

AMAZON:   MAIN LIST: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1J7LHVRD4V3A6?ref_=wl_share

BUDDIES NEEDED: Purchase A Buddy to sponsor a button buddy! Add a note so we know who it is from and we will send you photos when we create the Button Buddy and send it out! 

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/W9IXBH9TFV4A?ref_=wl_share

Sponsor a Book! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/A2HGIE93P9BL?ref_=wl_share

PAY PAL: positivelyrachel101@gmail.com // VENMO positivelyrachel/positivelyrachel101@gmail.com

SHOPPING LIST: ITEMS WE NEED: 

MINI GERM X – you can get these for 97C at Walmart as well as at any pharmacy or the dollar store! It is SO important that our recipeints have these while they heal, especially since they are having surgery during COVID19. So when you shop for yourself in person, for pickup, or online, add in a few for Newbie Tubies! 

MINI Q-TIP Containers! We need q-tips! The travel sized ones are PERFECT for our care kits! You can find them RIGHT BESIDE the MINI GERM-X at walmart for 97C or at the dollar store for $1! What a steal! We put these in EVERY PACKAGE we can! 

BARRIER CREAMS – We need barrier creams (similar to diaper creams!) for our newbies to use as their stomas (tube sites) heal! 3x antibacterial ointment and calmoseptine also work, if you find them in small tubes we can send those out! Off brands accepted!

CHAPSTICK – We are out of chapstick and it is almost that season again! Any type of chapstick is accepted, so send us your favorite kind to share with a newbie!

FACE MASKS/Self Pampering- (Skin care masks, not surgical/COVID masks, tho we do need those , too!) We love including care items as well as spa/pamering items like face masks & epsom soaks and nail kits to let people do at home pampering post op! A little self care is always comforting and makes you feel nice and fresh, so send us some of your favorite face masks and soaks or any other self pampering products so we can send those out!

FACE MASKS – AGAIN? We do love including surgical masks, so if you make cute COVID masks, send them our way!

Baby Bath & More – We need baby bath supplies as well! Fun items like bath paints are always great but also sponges, towels, bubble bath, and bath toys are welcome! We also use baby socks, chewies, and all care items.

Onesies – Solid colored onesies – if you have any of these on hand or see them on sale, send them our way!

FUZZY SOCKS – who doesn’t love these? 

TUBIE ITEMS- We always need tubie pads, clips, tracheostomy pads, and more! Our Etsy list is the place to go!

BOOKS – What are some of your favorite childhood books? We collect books for children ages 0-10, so donate any lightly used or new books that we can include in packages! We put at least one book in each child’s package; whenever possible, we include a book written about tubies! We have a “Sponsor a Tubie Book” list on amazon that has books written specifically for/about tubies! That is linked here!

Like buddies, the books on this list can be such fabulous tools for kids to learn about feeding tubes and alternative feeding! They help explain the “why” and “how” in a non-scary way that helps kids feel a lot more comfortable with the tubes, both tubie and kids who are siblings or children of a tubie, classmates, friends, etc. 

Both toys and books are a way kids learn about the world and normalize, so reading about feeding tubes with young kids can make them into something they are aware of, have a basic understanding of, and don’t consider to be icky or scary or weird. How cool is that? Kids are truly incredible in how open they are to learning and how ready they are to accept new, different things if we make them open and available to them. 

BUTTON BUDDIES – We are always looking for stuffed animals to use to create our Button Buddies! We do accept lightly used bears if they are in great shape and haven’t been kept in bed with you or chewed on by babies or dogs, etc. We also have a wishlist on Amazon that has lots of fabulous options that can be sent directly to us! 

Button buddies are a tubie’s best friend. They are a learning tool for newbies and fabulous for showing children how to care for a tube, to show they are not scary or bad, they are just another way to eat! We encourage parents with young tubies to use button buddies as a tool to normalize the feeding tube for the tubie as well as their friends, siblings, and classmates. Books and buddies are a huge gift to a newbie, they truly bring light to their eyes and joy to their faces. 

Buddies are also a comfort when you are admitted, traveling long distances to see doctors, and having infusions or shots or any type of treatment! No matter the age, having a buddy can bring some comfort, and any amount of comfort or joy you can bring into such a serious and scary situation is a huge deal.

You now have the opportunity to sponsor a buddy! Simply purchase a stuffed animal from our wishlist on amazon (or anywhere else) and it will be sent straight to us where we will create the button buddy! Make sure to add in a note with your name and contact information so we can send you a photo of the buddy you sponsored and who it went to! 

We include Button Buddies in as many packages as possible, and thanks to both AMT Medical Supply & ESutures we are able to create & send these to so many more tubies! We couldn’t do that without their generosity. 

Thank you to everyone who reads, shares, and donates to our efforts. You are all making a difference for someone who’s is in need of happy mail and love, so you can feel good about that. Sometimes giving feels even better than getting, and I can guarantee that this is one of those times 🙂

A Day in the Life of a Migraineur

A guest post by John Martinez with Axon Optics…

A day in the life of a migraineur is not a normal day. It’s like a day of playing dodgeball, but if you get hit, you have to call out of work and live with head-splitting pain. Migraine triggers can appear at any time, and the migraine can rear its ugly head on a moment’s notice. 

Living with migraines can sometimes feel like going on vacation, without any of the relaxation of going on a vacation. You need to check the weather, make sure you’ve packed everything you need, and always have a backup plan in case things go south. 

If you have a friend or family member that experiences migraines, this is worth a read. A day in the life of a migraineur revolves around migraines: avoiding them, treating them, and explaining them to others. 

Avoiding Migraine Triggers 

A day in the life of a migraineur often includes dodging triggers. The list of migraine triggers goes on as long as a migraine itself. Any of the following could also cause a head-splitting migraine:

  • Hormonal changes 
  • Changes in the weather
  • Stress 
  • Certain levels of physical activity
  • Strong smells
  • Bright lights
  • Loud music 
  • Dietary changes 
  • Caffeine or alcohol 

 

A day in the life of a migraineur may include turning down an invitation to happy hour, staying inside when they want to go outside, or trying to change an event to a more quiet and low-key location. All the while, the migraineur is attempting to stay calm, because too much stress may just bring on the migraine they are trying to avoid. 

Throughout the day, migraineurs may be recording their diet and activities in order to discover and control their triggers. Not all people with migraines are triggered by the same things – the process of pinpointing triggers and then avoiding them can take up an entire block of a migraineur’s day. 

What’s In A Migraineur’s Purse? 

It’s not always easy to dodge these triggers; how are you supposed to know when a change in barometric pressure is going to cause numbness and pain throughout your entire body?  

If migraineurs can’t avoid migraine triggers, they will have to treat migraine symptoms. This means carrying a bag with everything they need to deal with migraines. 

Medication 

Over-the-counter medications offer some of the quickest relief to migraines. It’s always good to have your painkiller of choice on hand when symptoms start to arise. Over the counter medications include Aleve/naproxen, Excedrin Migraine, ibuprofen, and Motrin migraine. 

For those of us who have severe, chronic migraines there are also prescription medications that you can take when you have a migraine coming on, imitrex being the most commonly used. There are quite a few options for daily medications and even some shots that are supposed to work for a month at a time, but these are new and not always covered by insurance, like any other med, they don’t work for everyone.

Hormonal medications may also help to regulate migraines – but this is not applicable to everyone. Female migraineurs should talk to their doctor about taking contraceptives or other hormonal medication if they have migraines. 

A Cold or Hot Compress 

This lifesaver can also provide relief in a pinch. Cold or hot compresses against the back of the neck or on the forehead can help to numb some of the excruciating pain of a migraine. Unfortunately, it won’t treat blurry vision or other types of numbness. 

Sunglasses

I recommend FL-41 Glasses specifically!

Migraine glasses, also known as FL-41 glasses, have begun to give a lot of migraineurs hope. These rose-tinted glasses have been crafted to block out rays that trigger photophobia (sensitivity to light.) They can be worn indoors or outdoors. Migraineurs who don’t enjoy wearing glasses can order FL-41 contact lenses.

If you have ever experienced photophobia, you probably get significant relief by wearing sunglasses indoors. However, research shows that over time, it can make your light sensitivity WORSE. Maybe too much of a good thing really can be bad? If you want more information on this, check out, “Why Wearing Sunglasses Inside is a Bad Idea”   by John Martinez at Axon Optics.

Caffeine – coffee, coke, etc.

Like hormonal medication, caffeine can either cause migraines or treat it. A small can of cold brew or a soda sometimes helps migraine patients, but this is not a widely successful trick and is definitely not a long term answer. 

The Dark

Sometimes nothing helps with a migraine and you are stuck laying in bed in the dark, wishing away the pain and nausea and whatever else comes along with your migraine, everyone has their own “aura” or mix of symptoms – light sensitivity and sound sensitivity are some of the most brutal triggers, so stepping out of your cave, trying to turn on a light to focus on a task, or even just looking at your iPad to Netflix your migraine away can cause a massive wave of killer discomforts of all kind.

Eye masks/sleep masks and ear plugs are your friend. Noise machines with peaceful background sounds like fans, white noise, rain, etc. can also help block out the more painful noises and give your brain something to focus on that ins’t “dangerous.”

Support

Most importantly, don’t fight alone, except when you’re mid-migraine and can’t stand even the smallest of noises.

Whether you find your support through religion, family or friends, your dog, or an inspirational playlist on your phone, it is important to have something that helps you stay positive and hopeful. There are also support networks on facebook and other social media sites that can make a big difference. Of course, having a supportive doctor is also very important, so keep that number in your wallet, too.

…But Don’t Take Our Word For It 

Every migraineur has a different experience. While some people feel like an ice pick is piercing their temple, other people experience numb fingers and blurry vision. (These are real quotes, by the way.) Some people may experience symptoms for mere minutes, others, for hours or even days.

Whatever it feels like, it doesn’t just feel like “a headache.” Lucky for most, you won’t ever have to feel this pain, but part of being a migraineur involves telling people that migraines are not just headaches, that they are serious, and that they need more awareness, more research, and more treatment options, much like any other chronic, misunderstood illness.

 

Guest blogger John Martinez, in association with Axon Optics, edited / posted by Positively Rachel as an awareness post for chronic migraines

Thank you, John for sharing with us, as always I am excited and grateful to have a guest blogger!

If you want to read more about migraines and how they affect daily life, you can check out my own work on a previous post, “Chronic Migraines: More Than Just a Headache” or “Kids Get Migraines, Too!”.

Strength for All; A NTCP Shirt Fundraiser

In October of 2017 I had my GJtube surgically changed into two separate tubes – a jtube and a gtube – after months of tube trouble due to my severe dysmotility throughout my GI tract. This surgery was insanely painful due to complications brought on due to my EDS, so my recovery was long painful, and during that time I relied on my parents for EVERYTHING. I couldn’t sit up in bed on my own, couldn’t walk, shower, brush my hair, or seemingly do anything else because all of these movements require abdominal contractions/tension and every time that happened I was in excruciating pain.

It was during that time that I began thinking about how lucky I was to have my 24/7 support team who were there for me always, no matter what, no complaining, and I just couldn’t bear the thought of anyone going through this alone, so I decided to be there for every tubie I could. Chronic illnesses are one of those “find out who your real friends are” situations and it can be brutal and shocking seeing who it is who puts the effort in, my goal is to step up and be that person when I can, but also to encourage others to do the same; so two years and lots of work later, over 300 packages have been sent out to first time tubies. 

To celebrate this milestone we’ve started a shirt fundraiser to raise money to contribute to Newbie Tubie Care Packages! 

Living with chronic illnesses or other conditions that cause one to be unable to eat enough to sustain themselves on their own and cause the need for a feeding tube is incredibly challenging, and that’s a massive understatement. Imagine life without your favorite foods , without the ability to go out for ice cream or coffee or a drink with friends, not sitting around the table and eating thanksgiving with your loved ones, having to come up with options not involving food for social gatherings or first dates, and explaining to people why you aren’t eating or what that little knobby thing on your tummy is.

Feeding tubes require incredible strength and self awareness, they are life changing, but they are nothing to be ashamed of, they are a gift that gives life back to more people than you would ever imagine – young and old, boys and girls, and due to so many different causes or conditions, feeding tubes are so much more than just a life sustaining piece of plastic, so join us in spreading awareness and celebrating year 2 of Newbie Tubies as well as the gift that so many of us are given through feeding tubes – the gift of nutrition, energy, and a life we may not have had without them.

Whether you’re a tubie or not, purchasing a shirt shows your support and love for tubies and contributes to our care package program that sends packages (free of cost) to first time tubies. No matter where your strength comes from, these shirts represent that strength.

We run on donations and these shirts are super cute, so it’s a win-win! You do not have to be a tubie to be Tubie Strong!  Purchase a shirt for yourself and wear it proudly, no shame, just strength and power in your self and appreciation for the gifts we often take for granted.

Thank you so much <3

*Link below! Currently open until Nov. 21st.*

**SHOP HERE!**

you can also donate to PayPal @ rajinone@aol.com or check out or wishlists on Amazon or Etsy!

Love & Gratitude,

Positively Rachel

Medical Trauma: A Special Guest

Medical trauma and medical PTSD are two of the most under-identified and misunderstood occurrences in today’s medical system, even in our own developed, educated country. Doctors are supposed to be trustworthy and well intentioned, they even take a vow to do no harm. From day one we are taught to put trust in doctors, nurses, and any other medical professional, trust them with our personal thoughts, habits, and of course our bodies,  our minds; hospitals and doctors offices are supposed to be “safe zones” if we need help… but is this always the case?

From my years of battling chronic illnesses I’ve seen TONS of doctors, specialists, nurses, xray techs, med students, etc. and it’s shocking how some of them treat patients. I can give you handfuls of personal experience with negligence, betrayal, false accusations and biases, and personal traumatic experiences brought on by the medical systems, doctors and nurses themselves. I’ve gotten to a point where I have anxiety over  new doctors, a true fear of admissions to the hospitals who are said to be there for treatment, help, healing. I’ve been denied medical treatments by insurance agents who don’t even have a degree in medicine or pharmacology, but choose money over my quality of life. There’s so much more to the medical system than the average person imagines.

To share another perspective, I’ve been given permission to quote the testimony of one of the kindest, most respectful and compassionate fellow “spoonies” that I have gotten to know thanks to online networks that let us find one another with just a hashtag.

So, thank you Nicole, and here we go…

“Ever since I started struggling more and more with my medical trauma and also was recently officially diagnosed with medical PTSD so I wanted to spread awareness about how traumatic this chronic life can be. From doctors treating you badly, to traumatic surgeries or procedures to doctors not believing you to life threatening situations there are unfortunately many possible traumatic parts of being sick and/or disabled and it needs to be talked about more.

Vivid nightmares. Anxiety and panic attacks. Depression. Avoidance. Flashbacks and intrusive memories. Always on guard. Easily startled. Trouble experiencing positive emotions. Loss of interest in things that you enjoy. Trouble sleeping and concentrating. Irritability. Guilt.

These are just some of the things that come along with medical trauma or PTSD.

Unlike with some other types of trauma, for us who are complex chronically ill and/or disabled patients we literally cannot avoid our trauma.  We cannot avoid hospitals, doctors, medications, treatments, surgeries, etc. This makes coping with and healing from medical trauma very very challenging. For me even little things like doing my daily line and tube care can bring on flashbacks of sepsis hospitalizations and awake, painful IR procedures and things like new patient appointments can bring on severe anxiety about possibly not being believed. This can cause us to generalize all our trauma and have anxiety and PTSD symptoms around everything medical not just the traumatic event/s. For me I get awful anxiety when I have any kind of medical appointment due to the trauma being brought back through intrusive memories, feeling unsafe and a strong urge to run/get home ASAP, agitation, impatience, feeling like I may literally explode from anxiety and panic and much more.

All trauma, no matter what it is or how severe, is real, valid, important and is deserving of healing, therapy, support, treatment etc.

Medical Trauma and medical PTSD needs more awareness so doctors, nurses, medical professionals etc can be aware that it exists, that is a huge struggle for the patients that deal with it every single day, and learn how to help it and do everything they can to try to prevent it.

We have to strive to make healthcare *Human*Care so that medical trauma and PTSD stops for good and no one else ever has to go through such a horrific condition again! Maybe if medical professionals treated us as actual HUMANS – not just another medical case – many of these traumatic situations could be avoided.”

Quote by Nicole P // IG @itsapotsielifeforme

 Sadly, Nicole and I are not the only ones dealing with this. I think you would be amazed at how many chronic illness patients have experienced some form of trauma through the medical system.

I just recently had another experience with a doctor I have been seeing for years and had developed a good relationship with when out of the blue he lied to me and denied me the treatment I have been on, when out of nowhere he decided to put blame on an innocent party and deny me relief. How could someone let someone suffer when he had the ability to help, to help me have some relief from pain? Does that seem helpful or harmful?

Not only has he stolen my pain relief, but he has stolen my faith in him and triggered my anxieties and fears from past trauma and past doubters. Do I not deserve to live to my fullest potential? Why would one human – who took an oath to do no harm, to help patients in any way possible – leave another human suffering, by choice?

If you are a patient who has experienced something like this or any other medical trauma or neglect or malpractice, share your story with me and I will share it on my blog & on my social media pages – let’s bring light to this issue.

For more details just message me!

Thanks to my readers for reading and taking time to be aware. Keep an eye out for more to come✨

Positively Rachel

 

Mindful Impact

Mindfulness. It is just amazing how big of an impact our thoughts can have on our bodies, on our ability to heal. It’s important that you fill your mind with optimistic or positive, healthy thoughts and your life with all of the things that have always brought you joy, all of your hobbies, and the people who put a smile on your face.

Today’s technologies allow for incredible connections; there is a huge online presence of “spoonies” (as we call ourselves) all over instagram and facebook, both individual pages and group pages! This resource is a HUGE gift to those of us who suffer from severe illnesses that leave us homebound or bed bound with little to no social interaction, but there are cons to this as well.

When you surround yourself with individuals who are sick, and you are sick and have been for a long time, it begins to feel normal. You start to forget what it feels like to be healthy, to be a functional, productive person. When you start to feel that way you know it’s time to reevaluate your perspective, remind yourself of what makes you feel like YOU. Not sick you, not healthy you, but YOU.

Be mindful, know your limits physically and mentally. Will all of these posts from other sick chicks –  some of them trending towards competitive over who is worse off, some who seem to thrive off of the attention from being sick – make you focus too much on the sickness? Does life revolve around illness? Because it doesn’t have to; no matter how sick you are, you are more than your illness.

There’s a lot more to mindfulness than this, but it’s a start. I encourage you all to focus not on your illnesses, not on symptoms and treatments and bad doctor visits, not of scary unknowns and dooming diagnoses, but on all of the aspects of your life that were there before illnesses, that exist independently from illness, that bring you simple pleasure, joy, distraction, love. Positivity. Light.

Mermaid Soul

When I close my eyes, I go to the peaceful, beautiful underwater world at the lake. It’s dark and mysterious, the lake floor just deep muck squishing between my toes as I push off to surface like a dolphin, emerging just to take a breath before going back down, being engulfed by the water. You can hear the motor of boats before you see them, it is a soft, rhythmic stutter that comes and goes with the small waves. I could swim like that all day, every day and never be tired of it.

And then I’m in the clear, pure water in the rivers I swam in as a child, always searching for treasures in the slippery rocks under my feet, daring to go a bit farther, a bit deeper, conquering the current, being one with the water. There’s moss beneath my feet, the rocks I hit with my knees, and the little pinchers of crayfish. I find the deepest part and disappear for as long as my lungs will let me, sometimes swimming away and seeing if my family noticed how long I was gone, if they worried at all, other times just sinking into the water and just being one with it, listening, feeling the cold water and the hot sun, washing my problems away, down the river they go, I am at peace.

Chlorine. Salt. Sweat. The pool, the water I spent so much time in, practicing my strokes, competing, loving and hating it at the same time. I always seemed to tire before others, my heart rate was always higher, and even when I took my inhaler, I couldn’t breathe, but still, it was my passion. Summer mornings diving into the cold, cold pool, a shocking wake up call for swim team practice, back and forth, often toe to finger close to the person before me, the person behind me. When swimming for fun, not practicing, I will disappear under the water, swimming without coming up to take a breath, going deeper and deeper, testing out my lungs, happy and at ease.

One day I’m going to be free of central lines and feeding tubes and I’m going back to the water. I’ll live on the lake, I’ll travel and see the incredible beauty of the underwater world through my own eyes, scuba diving, snorkeling, swimming with dolphins, maybe hippos too – just no snakes. ☺ I can’t wait to return to my life as a mermaid, feeling the water, seeing the beauty, feeling no pain, just peace and happiness, such simple things.

These memories are worth gold, they’re what I need to have faith and they inspire me to make my dreams come back to reality. A piece of my soul belongs in the water, the thought of return comforts me when I need an escape, being my happy place when I need to disappear, and gives me hope and drive to find my way through my trials and back to my underwater world.

Medical Madness: Survival of the Introvert

I’ve always been a bit of an introvert, my parents often tell me that when I was young, my teachers said I hardly spoke a word, I was polite and hardworking, but quiet as a mouse, which my parents thought was odd since I often talked a lot at home J I’m shy and often have trouble making friends, I have always hated confrontation or having people be upset with me. I worry about running late or being in the wrong place at the wrong time… I’ve got a lot of thoughts and opinions and knowledge, but being introverted and having trouble sticking up for myself in tense or questionable situations, it can be a major downfall when you’re living like I do.

Getting sick at such a young age with conditions that so many doctors don’t even know about let alone know how to treat. Since I was young and still living at home, my parents were always with me at doctors appointments – still are today J — and they were able to help me express things fully and ask all of the questions I needed to, ask for help with whatever needed more attention, but I still often got overwhelmed.

Being sick so long I’ve begun running my doctors into retirement, and of course with that comes the need to begin the draining search for new doctors, a task that brings difficulties in many ways. You’d think that after almost 8 years I would be able to do this on my own, to handle doctors and keep focused and calm and get everything out of it that I need, but that’s just not the case. You never know what you’re walking into with new doctors; each has their own protocols for testing and treatments, they believe in different approaches, and you have to explain your history in detail, which gets longer each time.

There are so many biases against girls like me with “invisible illnesses” simply because of my age, gender, and appearance, and the worst part is that those biases and judgments don’t just come from stupid high school kids or young adults, they come from doctors, from insurance, from pharmacies, from all of those who are supposed to be the ones making my life, making my body at least feel a bit more comfortable, a bit more active, a bit more NORMAL.

After a few bad experiences with doctors and nurses and hospitalists, some being members of my own care team, the medical professionals who hold my life in their hands, and that kind of brutal betrayal can lead patients like myself to extreme anxieties and even medical PTSD, which makes finding new doctors a terrible thought, a stressful time for me, and on top of that, I have to be brave enough to get through these appointments feeling like I’m in good hands.

Doctors are supposed to “do no harm,” but that concept is flawed and misinterpreted sometimes; “do no harm” isn’t a pledge meant just to protect us from doctors intentionally causing harm, doing things to make us sick or cause us pain, etc., it means do all you can to help your patients no matter who they are and what they have. There’s so much that happens behind the scenes of the medical system, doctors with prejudices who feel they have a right to be rude and judgmental and negligent when we know something is going on and we are asking for help. Negligence is a crime just as serious as purposeful, physical harm.

Why do you get to decide what I’m feeling, what the symptoms or side effects can or cannot be based on a decade old case study instead of putting trust into the patients, the ones living this, the ones suffering every day while the professionals get to wash their hands and go home without another thought of how their actions or lack there of are affecting us. I may not be a medical professional, but I am definitely a chronic illness expert, and if doctors could truly understand that, we could work together, creating trust and mutual respect.

A wise woman once told me that I need to remember that doctors work for patients. I think doctors forget that and take advantage of their position and their capabilities, the things that only they can do or get their hands on. We need doctors, we need the resources they can give us, but they need us, too, and they need to keep in mind that those of us with chronic illnesses aren’t your average patient, and we know our stuff.  No one knows chronic illnesses better than the patients themselves.

Since there are no options for spoonies to join the medical field based on our personal knowledge and research, it would be incredibly beneficial if our doctors and insurance agencies and dieticians, pharmacists, etc. would take us seriously and use our advice, consult with us more so than just making the decision and saying that’s that.

We do so much of the work, so much of the research, and all of the first hand experience, yet we still rely on the “professionals” who are making these decisions without listening to the answers we are offering.

Sponsor a Book for our Little Tubies

I grew up with two early childhood educators, so books have been a staple for me since day 1, and that is a true gift my parents gave me. Books help us learn about the world in a fun, visual, and age-appropriate /understandable way, teachings us the simplest of things like letters and animals to right and wrong, to all you can do when you grow up, and how to be the best YOU that YOU can be, whatever that means.

Books are part of what help us learn about new and different things we may come across, and it’s important to give children resources to help them be aware of all of life’s diversities and that being unique is never something to be ashamed of, so authors include all sorts of characters and situations in books that help prepare kids for life, even if the kids think it’s all just a story…. What about books for kids with illnesses? Children with wheel chairs, bald heads, or feeding tubes?

When I started Newbie Tubies I had a goal to help all of my “newbies” have all of the important information and to feel as supported as possible, and to learn love and acceptance for their new gadget and for themselves. Some people have a harder time than others with this, and that is completely fine, but sometimes you need to let those around you help you get to that point by letting them support you and accept you and your tube for you to see that your tube doesn’t change you, it just keeps you around…

Well, back to books, sometimes it can be hard for our littler tubies to adjust when they go to school and all of a sudden are thrown into a world where peers are eating lunch and bringing in cupcakes for birthdays and you’re no longer in the safety of your home, but both tubie and classmates start to see differences, even at a young, young age, and it’s time to bring in the books to help normalize tubes, to make all of the classmates learn through the avenue they know best – books.

For the same reasons, picture books about tubes can also be very beneficial for adult tubies who have young children or work with young children. Visual, audio, and hands on awareness and normalization is more than we can ask for, and starting young, starting by reading these books to the next generation is just awesome.

If you’re interested in sponsoring a book for our packages, we include one in each package we send to our little tubies and we appreciate every donation! I’m attaching the link as well as the list, so if you have a tubie of your own and want to buy a book, there are quite a few great options!

Our “Sponsor a Tubie Book” wish list on Amazon carries some FABULOUS tubie books for our young tubies! Click HERE to go straight to the list, the names of our most used books are listed below in case you shop elsewhere 🙂

 

BOOKS!

“The Adventures of Team Super Tubie”

Kristin Meyer

“Tubie Kids Like Me”

Annette Fournier

“When My Brother Got a G-Tube”

Jordan Tarbutton

“My Belly has Two Buttons: A Tubie Story

Meikele Lee

“Emma’s Special Tummy”

Paula

 

My Tubey Series by Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue (full series on amazon!)

“My Tubey Goes to School:  A My Tubey Book”

Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue

“There’s More Than One Way to Eat: A my Tubey Book”

Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue

“My Tubey: A Day in the Life of a Tube Fed Girl”

Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue

“My Tubey: A Day in the Life of a Tube Fed Boy”

Rhiannon Merritt-Rubadue

Chronic Illnesses: Who Knows?

In the past few months I’ve seen increased frequency and severity in my symptoms and even new symptoms coming to light. When I have flare ups or new issues I often become more aware of my current physical state, and ironically, while doing so, I usually think I’m better off until these harsh realizations, moments of brutality that shine a light on the fact that no, I’m not better, I’m actually worse, but I’ve just gotten used to being sick, used to this flare up that just never left, that became my new “normal.”

Though I’m used to high levels of pain, severe nausea, frequent migraines, fatigue, etc. when I wake up and have new symptoms or symptoms I’ve had before all of a sudden “amplified,” it can be super frustrating, discouraging – not to mention painful. But when these “flare ups” come about and decide to stick around for more than a day or two, the mind starts to wonder….

Is this a flare? Are these symptoms going to go back to “normal?” Is there something more serious going on?

Pain is a hard thing to talk about and understand because everyone has a different relationship with pain, everyone’s “scale” is their own – my 6 could be your 9 for example – and you can’t really know what anyone else’s is unless you’re living it. My pain has been a totally new phenomenon the last couple weeks, my body is searing, my head is killing me, it’s just relentless. This pain is different from my “normal” pain, though, so it’s kind of hard to compare them severity wise, it’s hard to simplify it to a word like “throbbing, stabbing, burning, etc.” or a number 1-10 – I’m in severe pain and discomfort all over my body and it won’t give me a break — I wish that were enough to figure out a way to help, right?

“What concerns me the most is the unknown….it is just too overwhelming to think about…”

When my symptoms cause me to be even more “disabled” than normal, when I can’t get up or out of the house for a week or more, I’m hardly able to be around others because of the pain and stimulation, and I’m sleeping excessively or unable to sleep at all, it can be hard to find motivation, hard to force yourself to get up and get going, doing something as simple as shower or change into fresh pjs…

“No one really explained to me the depth or the magnitude of that diagnosis, no one explained how serious and life changing this chronic illness can be….”

There are so many unknowns with chronic illnesses, and most of us learn all about that through personal experiences, not from doctors or even google doctor! Living with conditions that even doctors don’t know enough about can be scary, all of a sudden everything you know is just swept out from underneath you, you’re left with so little understanding and no control over your own body, your own life. This is all shocking, it’s devastating, and you have got to find a way to embrace it, conquer it, and grow right along side it, otherwise, it will break you through and through, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally, mind, body, and soul.